All shook up.

It has been a humbling few weeks. I try to stay as independent as I can. Not because I don't like others to help me, but because I cannot rely on that. Truth is, if I could ring a bell for service it'd be going off like a broken alarm clock!  But, everyone is fighting a hard battle and sometimes we just have to roll up our sleeves and take care of the business at hand.

Mr. Zookeeper was playing chaperone to a group of boy-scouts doing an over-night camp out. Puppy was up all night coughing and throwing up. There's no tag team or passing of the baton when you are the only one on the track field- so- I did what every mother does when they have a sick child. I couldn't take the pain away so I held her in my arms and caught her puke in my hands.

Morning comes whether you've slept or not. I've spoken many times with mother nature and father time but I've yet to control either. (Though I will not give up trying)  Very tired, I went slowly about my morning and watched the clock hoping my persistence would alarm the garage door open and in would pop my saving grace. Lunch came and went and I needed to lay down. One should never leave a Tiger walking around outside his cage so I pondered on my options. Hesitantly, I dialed a friend and asked if she would be home for a few hours and if she wouldn't mind tending a Tiger so I could close my eyes. She accepted the challenge and I loaded up the zoo-van.

I no sooner dropped off my wild animal when I had a dreaded but oh so familiar feeling come over me. My neck filled with heat and my right arm began to shake. Not again, I thought. I reached into my purse and before turning the corner chewed up a glucose tablet. The shakiness seized and the energy crash took over. Once home, I tried to eat some protein and level out my sugar. To no avail, the shakiness persisted. I ate more, drank more and began to fear the worse. I had been dealing with hypoglycemia attack symptoms sometimes 2-3 times a week recently but I always managed to handle them. This one, though, was not letting up. I always let someone know when I am having an attack so that I nor my children are alone. I rose to my feet in attempt to go get a neighbor but felt very faint. I called to Rhino to run and get the neighbor mom.  Most Rhino's charge in an emergency. Not mine. After debating about whether or not he needed shoes- I persuaded him to hurry. I watched him out the window feeling weaker and less conscience by the second. When the designated neighbor did not answer, Rhino stood there not knowing what to do. I made my way out front and signaled for him to go to the next house.  Because this door was hidden from my front porch- I had to butt scoot down the front steps and out on the grass to give him further direction.

By the time Rhino reached the third house, my neighbor came out from behind his fence. Already dressed in bright pajamas and impersonating a Starburst wrapper, I was afraid that I might not be very decent as I sprawled out across the concrete in order to keep consciousness. I requested my neighbor retrieve his wife and by the time she came, Rhino had gotten help from another neighbor.  These poor men had to straddle a grown a woman who was face planted on the porch. I knew it was a lot to ask at the time but had little control of the situation.  The security cameras Mr. Zookeeper installed last month provided a now-comical replay of the whole event.

By the time one neighbor came, all three showed up and my body was beyond my control. I knew something had to be done but I didn't know what to do to rectify the situation. My sweet neighbors anxiously tried to get a hold of my husband with no luck and provide for me every little thing I could I ask for. A friend with a background in nursing (whose sweet wife was also watching my Tiger) provided some direction over the phone and rushed to my side. My body seized up and I was shaking from head to toe. Was it a seizure?  I don't know. Was I scared?  Absolutely.

I was able to compose myself and then the dry heaving began.  I have had children and thus lost all dignity years ago but nothing compares to having a house full of friends worrying for your safety. One friend even had to help me use the bathroom- does Hallmark make Thank you cards for that sort of thing?

Not feeling any better, I was driven towards the hospital after pausing to remember when the last time was that I changed my underpants... nobody wants to receive medical attention with dirty underpants on. Luckily, my symptoms subsided enough that I did not feel the need to rush in and cause another scene. Hospitals and I don't get along too well.  After hanging out in the parking lot, being handed over to Mr. Zookeeper who met us on the side of the road and then waiting it out in the Wendy's down the street from the hospital, I felt comfortable enough to return home.

Exhausted was the only feeling I had left in me.  I was even too tired to carry on conversation which you know is serious. I did not know where my children were but trusted Mr. Zookeeper to gather them.

I was humbled to have so many people rush to my aid (and not mention whether or not they saw my rear end) but even more humbled by the days that followed.  One friend took my kids over night so Mr. Zookeeper could focus on me (trying hard not to be tempted to make this habit) and then she kept them all the next day. Mr. Zookeeper reluctantly had to leave town for work but I was never alone. The same friend who had just returned my children showed up and started sweeping my floor. Without hesitation, she assisted me in stabbing my finger (I hate pulling the trigger) to check my blood sugar and then took care of the dishes. She paused long enough to answer the door to two dear friends who brought me freezer food. As I visited with them, my friend answered the phone to speak with one of my concerned neighbors who was preparing to come sleep on my couch while my husband was away. As soon as two friends left and the phone was hung up, another friend showed up with dinner for the night.

My kids had so much fun at their sleepover that they all piled in to the van and went back to play some more. Mr. Zookeeper had a delayed flight so he came home for the night. We picked up the kids and I enjoyed the visit and trip out of the house.

The next morning came and the kids had already been spoken for. While I felt better, I was still not great and knew the kids would have more fun playing than watching mom be sick on the couch. Dinner was being brought in to me so that I didn't have to worry about feeding myself. I do not like to receive help- I much prefer giving it but when it comes to my family- I know how to accept help when I need it.  I needed the help and was very grateful to everyone.

I no sooner finished my hair when I felt shaky all over again. I grabbed my supplies and ran to the neighbor so I wouldn't have an attack alone. She graciously spared her couch and called yet another friend to give me a ride to the doctor.  This was getting ridiculous and I needed professional help.

I was not able to get much help that day from the doctors. As was my diagnosis two years ago (after dozens of tests and over $5,000.00) my verdict was that I remained a mystery patient.  I was given another referral and told to drink my orange juice for relief.

I could not be disheartened. I was bombarded with love from so many people and I never felt alone. I prayed. I prayed in thanks and I prayed in earnest desire to know how to help my body.

I scheduled an appointment with a kinesiologist (Google it if you're unaware, but keep an open mind) and felt hopeful that the miracle they worked with my Tiger when he was born deformed could be worked on me as well. Any answers, any help would be better than repeating the unknown.

Two days passed and I woke up to an infected eye. Really? On one hand I didn't want to get anyone else sick since so many people were involved but on the other, I just didn't want to deal with any more doctors. The same friend who planned the sleepover and swept my floor called to see if I needed anything from the store. Eye drops maybe? I felt so dumb for telling her my new ailment and found myself just wishing I wasn't so needy. She did not just get me drops for irritation. Instead, she went to friend and neighbor of hers who is an eye doctor and got a prescription that would kill any bacteria and infection I might have going on. I hugged her. I hadn't showered yet so I am not sure that was the best payment but I didn't know what else to do. Crying only made the goop worse and I just didn't have words.

This is a very long post- but it was a very long week. I woke up one afternoon from a nap to find my downstairs had been cleaned and smelled of lemons. Another day I woke to find my lawns mowed. I could not keep from falling asleep mid day because I had no energy but desperately wanted to catch the cleaning fairies in action to prove they existed.

My appointment came (just 5 days after my initial scare) and I was anxious. Of course three minutes before I was to load up the van I felt the shakes come on. I can't drive when I am unsure of my safety so I sucked it up and called my neighbor for a ride- yes, another neighbor who had also brought me dinner the night before.

The hour visit went well. I was impressed but overall relieved to finally have some answers. Here is the note I shared with my wondering friends and the gist of what the Doc had to say... though mind you we went overtime and he still didn't get to all of my issues:

"I have a cranial imbalance associated with neurological cross-wiring. Basically, my body is in survival mode- it is not absorbing the nutrients it needs to maintain health. It is affecting my nervous system and skeletal system- which basically means- when our bodies aren't working properly, something has to give and that's what my body is giving up. I have some issues with my liver that we'll hopefully be able to heal and my body is only getting 25% of the glucose I am feeding it and even less protein (hence the neurological cross wiring). Naturally, my metabolism is struggling. I have some insulin resistance that may need to be addressed later but for now we're working on restoring the most basic needs. This has all contributed to the many problems I have been having over the years. My doctor compared it to filling up the gas tank every day and still having no gas because it's leaking out and there's no fuel getting in. So the body runs on empty and uses every drop it possibly can- and when it can't access any fuel, it shakes to let you know it's empty. I don't know much about cars but I do know when the little red light goes on- I'd better hurry and get to a station :) I am being treated through vitamins and nutrition so we can patch up all the tiny holes and hopefully my body will respond quickly. I went overtime on my appointment so we only discussed how to treat symptoms for now (to keep me from having more attacks) and later we'll discuss the main contributors/causes to my "leaking tank".

I feel very blessed to not only have some answers but to be on the path to restoring my body's health. I appreciate all of your time and service to me and my family!

The Lord does not send heavenly angels when the ones on earth can accomplish his work- I feel very humbled to have been blessed with so many personal angels- you have saved my life in more ways than one and [we] love you for it- Thank you all!"

Two weeks have passed. Last week was very eventful (look for my next post to describe our trip to New York) but I was able to get rest as I took naps everyday (fun date) and focus on me and my needs.  Mr. Zookeeper has been amazing and the children have been very forgiving. I am still weak and have to pay close attention to my body but I feel blessed in so many ways that I cannot stop the tears of joy from flowing down my cheeks.  I am emotional as I think about what changes I need to make. I have a demanding life and wrestle with wild animals, especially a Tiger, every day. That will not change but I know that the Lord will give me strength. He has lifted me up so many times when my shoulders could carry the burden no more and has always blessed me with what I need.

Two weeks ago I did not feel like my body was my own. I was literally all shook up as my physical being struggled. Now, I am all shook up as I turn my heart to my Savior. I know without a doubt that he is mindful of me and I feel nothing that he has not already experienced. He knows my heart, my mind and my body and through him, I receive more strength everyday.  I am grateful not only to have this knowledge but to be a part of an organized religion. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints means that we literally take the name of Christ upon us. To become like Him we must act as he would. I had many neighbors come to my aid, but through this great and marvelous organized religion, I had a network of sisters by my side though my immediate family lives miles away.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Mathew 25

Sometimes we rescue and sometimes we need rescuing.  I may tame and train animals all day everyday but even the most determined zookeeper has limitations. That's where the most heavenly and life-changing moments happen.  I would rather know my neighbors under less intimate terms but have never felt so close to them as I did when they rescued me. Receiving help or having weaknesses does not make us less of a person. On the contrary, it makes us human and in need of our Savior...  

Just hanging with the shelf

When Mr. Zookeeper goes out of town, I like to have projects to keep me busy. Back in November I chose the girls' room as my blank slate. I painted it pink and brown- only the pink looked like Pepto! I love the anti-diarrhea medicine just as much as the next person but not all over my little girls' room... especially paired with the brown. I did not like where this theme was going. I added some white swirls and some multicolored flowers. Then I painted a lot more flowers and then a few more. One of these nights I will lay in there and count each one but for now let's just say there are more than hundred.

Monkey loves to play with toys. It took me four kids to get one that actually plays with toys but she loves them all. I can't bear to get rid of things when she plays with it just on account of cleaning the room. Yes, this probably explains why I spend so much time cleaning up but that is besides the point. Monkey needed a place for eight years worth of toy compilation plus her own loot.  And Barbie doesn't just come as a single- no-she has her sisters, cousins and friends of her second cousins to accompany her... and all of their accessories. Let's not forget the Disney princesses.  She does not have nearly the pile of toys that some have- but she has enough to keep her busy for a few hours.

I looked at so many ideas online. My bedrooms have walk-in closets that are plenty big and I hate to waste space. I didn't want to use valuable play area to host a toy box or shelf. We don't have any dressers in our house due to the habits of a certain destructive and dangerous Tiger so I set out to transform the closet. For the record- I did see a really cool Ferris Wheel/pulley system that stored unused toys on the ceiling- it was amazing. Mr. Zookeeper shot that idea down but it's just as well because I probably would still have toys all over the floor and a Tiger, Monkey and Puppy on the ceiling in their place.

It worked. The bottom half holds baskets of clothes. The wooden shelves stick out two feet so the girls can stand on them to reach the wire shelf above that holds their toys. After getting the initial clothing shelves built- I held back my nagging. At least the room could get cleaned even though it wasn't completely finished.  Fast forward six months and many messes later. The girls desperately needed another shelf for their toys so that they could stay better organized and Monkey wouldn't feel as much need to dump everything looking for that one purple doll shoe.

I couldn't nag. I just couldn't!  So I got out the shelving I purchased months ago and left in the walk way as a hint. Mr. Zookeeper is no longer phased by my insanity so he just put everything out of the way. After quizzing him via instant chat and relocating all of my pieces- I turned to You Tube to learn how to cut my wire shelving. The Australian man made bolt cutters look so fun but alas, I had to use the hack saw. After consulting Google images to learn which tool was identified by that name- I set to work.  Can we just take a minute to say a prayer of gratitude for the internet? Thank you.

I found some nifty safety goggles and didn't want to miss out on looking like I knew what I was doing. Safety. Check. I found a bag of manure and a plastic tote in the garage and together they served well as a work bench. A little elbow grease and I was ready to make my own you tube demonstration. Maybe another day- I had a job to do.

Puppy and I set to installing the wire shelves. The easiest way I could see to do it was to put the shelf in the closet and draw a line to follow. I could have You-Tubed again, but I was already upstairs. YES- I used a level- Mr. Zookeeper has managed to convert me there (as long as I can find it). The shelf was just a little bit too long- I swear I measured!  However, with just the right amount of force- everything looked good... hmm.. Forgot a pencil- "Hey Puppy, hand me that pen." Yeah. You shouldn't draw a big line across your wall until you're sure it'll come off or get covered. Oh well- grab me a screw driver.

The first three back clips looked even, I don't know what happened to the other three. That's OK though because the new holes covered up two of the three wrong ones. Yip. Looking good- I so got this. Had to stop what I was doing twice to go answer the front door. Rhino insisted someone was knocking. Yeah, that would be me with my hammer.

Note to self, don't close the latches until after installing the shelf. But, if you should forget, always have a box of band-aids handy so you don't have to wait for Puppy to run downstairs and get you one after ripping your fingernail off. Also, the end of the screwdriver works much better than your nail and hurts a lot less.

Done and done. Force that shelf in one more time; secure the support brace. Here's where I breathed a deep sigh and pictured the moment that Mr. Zookeeper would see what I had done and be so proud. High five Puppy and take a step back to get the whole view.

What was under my foot?  Oh a bag- I will throw that in the garbage as soon as I'm done admiring my handiwork. Oops- it wasn't empty. Instead it housed the end brackets. Maybe I didn't need them- maybe they were unnecessary. No matter how I tried to talk myself into it- I had Mr. Zookeeper in my brain. I knew I had to put them on. OK- no problem- I'd just lift off the shelf and slide them up, screw them in and then get back to my gloating.

That is fine in theory. Remember the wire being just a tad bit too long. Yeah. the added bracket made it officially too long. I didn't like cutting the wire the first time!  Now I was extremely envious of the Australian. I was not about to go cut off 1/2 an inch on four thick wires. My new found muscles proved helpful and I got the first side down. You might recall how I related my strength to the hulk. Indeed. The first side went in because the other side poked into the drywall. There was no way out and I knew I would be laughed at when I explained to Mr. Zookeeper what the extra holes were used for.

Also, I now understand why the home-builder cut his wires a little short... I figured he was worse at measuring than me but turns out he probably knew what he was doing. Sorry about that.

I retrieved my hacksaw. Too much movement caused scraping against the wall so I was forced to saw in a 1 inch by 1 inch space. My raw knuckles still made an indent but not compared to the tool. I tried to speed it up, get a different angle or at least position my hand better. After 30 minutes of tiny back and forth motions with nearly nothing to show for it I considered purchasing my own bolt cutters or perhaps ripping out the entire wall. Alas, I learned my lesson of shortcuts and went back to sawing. I made up my own song to pass the time and finally broke the shelf loose with most of the wall in tact. Tiny hole- won't even notice it with the right baskets of toys in front.

I took to the garage to use my ingenious set up but was either stronger or more frustrated because I wasn't paying attention to the rest of the wire and unleashed the titans. The bag of manure was shredded and as I stood off of the pile it sprung up and dumped down the front of me. Now it was time for business. I stood on the tote and anchored the shelf with my feet. Ankle deep in the dirty perfume I bent over using my whole body weight to make the final cuts. Done. I stood high and removed my safety goggles to reveal what little white was left on my face. After receiving ridicule from the children about the smell; I headed back to my construction site.

Amazing. With the shelf the right size, everything just fell into place. The remaining brackets were installed and secured everything down. I carefully took a step back this time so as not to stumble across any missing parts. The shelf was officially ready for duty.

So it didn't go as smoothly as planned but I did learn a few things. The wooden closet shelf will not break with the girls standing on it because I spent a good four hours up there and never fell once. Independence is nice but nagging has its benefits too. Now I can get the toys organized and put away and I may have found a new spot for hide and seek. I can identify and effectively work a hacksaw regardless of the space and I learned there is more than one way to open a bag of manure...