After an 18-month pregnancy the female rhinoceros gives birth to only one young. It weighs about 30 to 40 kilograms and only 10 minutes after it appears it can already stand upright, a couple of hours later it begins to suck. It sucks from its mother during 18 months, but it also begins to graze long before it stops sucking. The young has no horn, it is unprotected and depends entirely on its mother. The mother protects the young carefully from each predator. From time to time the young stays with its mother even after the birth of the second young, although at the age of three years the young rhinoceros is already able to take care of itself alone. (www.worldstory.net)
While I am very glad that Rhino's birth was not typical of a real rhinoceros, there are many other facts about this calf that are similar to my own...
With your first baby- 9 months feels like 18; I had no idea what to expect or what I was supposed to do with all of the changes. Luckily Rhino came a little bit early so I didn't have too much time to get nervous. Waking up to a Saturday in labor led Mr. Zookeeper and I to the store to pick up an outfit so the little guy would have something to wear home! Once we got moving the delivery went quick, quicker than it takes for an epidural to kick in as a matter of fact. After declaring that I would never, ever be able to do this again- there he was. My perfect boy.
He had to be rushed off for some testing so I didn't see the first few feedings but I bet it didn't take him much longer than a few hours to have a full meal- standing upright- not so much... in fact I am proud to share that he took his first steps 2 weeks before his first birthday- right down the middle of Main Street, Disneyland. (proud mommy moment)
True to his kind, Rhino depended on me for everything. I wasn't the best leader but we were all each other had as we tried to figure out what kind of life he was trying to live. While Dad has always been his favorite (and still is) we have shared many tender moments. A mother loves all of her children, but there are certain lessons she learns from the first child that she tries to teach to the others. It has been my job to protect this innocent little boy from all of the predators out there. At age three we got a diagnosis of autism and he started school 2 days later. I was prepared to attend school with him that day only to be dismissed at the first bell. What was a mom to do- here was my baby out in the wild- I needed to protect him. I did what I always do when I'm nervous- I go buy meat. $50.00 worth later, I was waiting at the window just in case the phone rang or the bus came early- I didn't want to take any chances. Three hours later the bus drove up- right on time. He was smiling and the note home was everything a mom could have hoped for.
While he was ready to move on, he still needed me. He still does. I do for him now what I did for him at birth, we just argue about it more, make compromises and there's no diapers involved. Sons always need their moms- it just changes over the years. I try to be the grown up here, but he has so much more to teach me than I can teach him- so we learn together. This afternoon we're going to go hunt for fossils- he wants to be a paleontologist someday and when the time comes I'll be right there digging with him... or at least cheering him on from the sidelines.
Rhino has grown so much; nine years old but he is still my perfect boy. It's a different relationship we have, him and I but it's a perfect one for us. He is a complete joy to everyone he meets and a special blessing that I spend every day being grateful for.
Today is your day Rhino- Happy Birthday!
9.29.2010
9.25.2010
(at least) Ten things a mother who has a child with Autism hopes you'll understand
Taken from the wonderful and insightful thoughts of "ten things every child with autism wishes you knew" I'd like to take things from a different perspective. Mine.
I am not bold enough (or smart enough) to speak on behalf of every mother who has a child with autism, but given my conversations, many of us- no matter how optimistic we try to be can find ourselves falling prey to a few unfortunate moments in life. I, personally don't struggle with the challenges my children with autism bring to the table. More so- I struggle with the challenges the "outside" world places before me. It is not my intention to boast, offend, scare or criticize but rather to educate a few interested as to what goes on in our minds when we're left at the end of the day to think about our circumstances and how we fit in a typical world with atypical lives.
1. Yes, my child has autism but he is first and foremost still a child. You would go to every extreme to protect your little ones and this mama bear is no different. He deserves every chance in this world, he does not have to earn your approval or respect and while he may not always show it to you; he has a heart, a mind and is full of potential.
2. My child would love to be included. Contrary to belief, he can hear you, he does see you and he knows there is a great big world out there even if it is a little scary for him and he doesn't know what to do. He might like to play at your house for a change of environment; attempt a birthday party to see what all the excitement is about and with a little bit of coaching and practice, he might surprise you at what a great joy he is to have around.
3. You're acceptance means a lot. A breakdown in a grocery store can end two ways. One, I can handle it with you standing by offering compassion and support or two, I can get through the moment only to rush out of sight and break down from the stares and judgment. You're acceptance means a lot.
4. That said, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I know you mean well. I know you're trying to help but sometimes I am not ready to hear it and/or you don't fully understand. A smile, a hug or a plate of cookies lets me know you care... saying the wrong thing out of desperation to break the silence isn't always helpful. If you have something you must say, I appreciate your honesty but don't be offended when I share mine.
5. My life is very different from yours. I get excited over the smallest accomplishments because chances are they took days, months and sometimes years of teaching. I cannot plan for the future because I never know what that holds in store. Most days I spend my spare time researching new therapies and catching up on chores. My child requires more of me and so I have very little left to give. This does not make me better than you; just different.
6. I need help. I may not ask for it and I may be reluctant to accept it but just like everyone else... I need help. Unless I specifically ask for your advice, this is usually not the help I'm looking for. I need a break. I need someone I can trust to step in and help me carry the load while I rejuvenate or take care of other things, especially if I have other children. Compare my child to a fragile piece of art that cannot be placed down. Either I carry him the whole time or I find others to assist. Be gentle, not forceful and know that I will probably only accept when I'm comfortable and ready- it's not personal. Just be there for me and sometimes that's enough.
7. I am still a woman. I still have needs and just because my life is different doesn't mean I've forgotten what it feels like to have a life outside of my child's world. I like to talk, I like girls night out, I like date nights and I have hobbies and interests even though I don't get to experience them like I used to. I might have a hard time relating to your conversations, I might not. I might have to make certain plans or adjust things a bit but just being welcomed lets me know that I still matter.
8. It takes the strength of a herd. No one person is solely responsible for the upbringing of a child; any child. Whether we like it or not, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, teachers, friends, neighbors and strangers alike all play a part in shaping a future. We never stop learning- even when we're moms who are supposed to know everything. Where I am weak you may be strong and vice versus. Let's build a better tomorrow for everyone by working together.
9. Teach your children. If you act like autism, or other special circumstances, is a disability or plague, so will your kids. But if you show kindness and compassion- kids will pick up on that too. You don't have to give a lesson (although I'd be happy to present if you needed) on what autism means- just acknowledge that some kids are different and that's perfectly alright. Children are smarter and more understanding than we sometimes give them credit for. Teach them to respect all people and they'll get much further in life and perhaps make the best friend they'll ever know.
10. Accept that I am doing the best I know how. I'm learning every day and new situations are always arising. It may seem at times to you that I am irresponsible, negligent, too lenient, too strict or just flat out beat- and maybe sometimes I am- but know that deep down I am trying. I love my child more than anything and that doesn't change because someone said they're not like everyone else. We all make mistakes and we all have our triumphs- mine just tend to be done in public. Love me, love my child and love the fact that we're both blessed to be a part of the learning journey of such a special spirit!
I am not bold enough (or smart enough) to speak on behalf of every mother who has a child with autism, but given my conversations, many of us- no matter how optimistic we try to be can find ourselves falling prey to a few unfortunate moments in life. I, personally don't struggle with the challenges my children with autism bring to the table. More so- I struggle with the challenges the "outside" world places before me. It is not my intention to boast, offend, scare or criticize but rather to educate a few interested as to what goes on in our minds when we're left at the end of the day to think about our circumstances and how we fit in a typical world with atypical lives.
1. Yes, my child has autism but he is first and foremost still a child. You would go to every extreme to protect your little ones and this mama bear is no different. He deserves every chance in this world, he does not have to earn your approval or respect and while he may not always show it to you; he has a heart, a mind and is full of potential.
2. My child would love to be included. Contrary to belief, he can hear you, he does see you and he knows there is a great big world out there even if it is a little scary for him and he doesn't know what to do. He might like to play at your house for a change of environment; attempt a birthday party to see what all the excitement is about and with a little bit of coaching and practice, he might surprise you at what a great joy he is to have around.
3. You're acceptance means a lot. A breakdown in a grocery store can end two ways. One, I can handle it with you standing by offering compassion and support or two, I can get through the moment only to rush out of sight and break down from the stares and judgment. You're acceptance means a lot.
4. That said, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I know you mean well. I know you're trying to help but sometimes I am not ready to hear it and/or you don't fully understand. A smile, a hug or a plate of cookies lets me know you care... saying the wrong thing out of desperation to break the silence isn't always helpful. If you have something you must say, I appreciate your honesty but don't be offended when I share mine.
5. My life is very different from yours. I get excited over the smallest accomplishments because chances are they took days, months and sometimes years of teaching. I cannot plan for the future because I never know what that holds in store. Most days I spend my spare time researching new therapies and catching up on chores. My child requires more of me and so I have very little left to give. This does not make me better than you; just different.
6. I need help. I may not ask for it and I may be reluctant to accept it but just like everyone else... I need help. Unless I specifically ask for your advice, this is usually not the help I'm looking for. I need a break. I need someone I can trust to step in and help me carry the load while I rejuvenate or take care of other things, especially if I have other children. Compare my child to a fragile piece of art that cannot be placed down. Either I carry him the whole time or I find others to assist. Be gentle, not forceful and know that I will probably only accept when I'm comfortable and ready- it's not personal. Just be there for me and sometimes that's enough.
7. I am still a woman. I still have needs and just because my life is different doesn't mean I've forgotten what it feels like to have a life outside of my child's world. I like to talk, I like girls night out, I like date nights and I have hobbies and interests even though I don't get to experience them like I used to. I might have a hard time relating to your conversations, I might not. I might have to make certain plans or adjust things a bit but just being welcomed lets me know that I still matter.
8. It takes the strength of a herd. No one person is solely responsible for the upbringing of a child; any child. Whether we like it or not, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, teachers, friends, neighbors and strangers alike all play a part in shaping a future. We never stop learning- even when we're moms who are supposed to know everything. Where I am weak you may be strong and vice versus. Let's build a better tomorrow for everyone by working together.
9. Teach your children. If you act like autism, or other special circumstances, is a disability or plague, so will your kids. But if you show kindness and compassion- kids will pick up on that too. You don't have to give a lesson (although I'd be happy to present if you needed) on what autism means- just acknowledge that some kids are different and that's perfectly alright. Children are smarter and more understanding than we sometimes give them credit for. Teach them to respect all people and they'll get much further in life and perhaps make the best friend they'll ever know.
10. Accept that I am doing the best I know how. I'm learning every day and new situations are always arising. It may seem at times to you that I am irresponsible, negligent, too lenient, too strict or just flat out beat- and maybe sometimes I am- but know that deep down I am trying. I love my child more than anything and that doesn't change because someone said they're not like everyone else. We all make mistakes and we all have our triumphs- mine just tend to be done in public. Love me, love my child and love the fact that we're both blessed to be a part of the learning journey of such a special spirit!
9.23.2010
Just Peanuts
6:30 am and the world is full of opportunities for curious minds. "What shall we do today", they all think to themselves.
Luckily, Tiger is always up for an adventure and Monkey is always happy to accompany him. This time Puppy thought she'd join along. I don't believe snacks were involved so Rhino had no real interest.
"Hmm- what's this?"
Oh, so many pieces, so light, so fluffy. And they fly...
"look guys- they stick to the couch... and inside it too!"
"Really, let me try."
"How many do you think there are? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions?"
"I don't know but let's see what they look like spread out-"
Ah. It's a Thursday morning. The sun is shining and it's another beautiful day at the zoo. Yes, there's nothing like getting to use the broom, dustpan, duct tape, toilet plunger and operate the shop-vac all before breakfast.
Grandma, we got your package. The children thank you for the styrofoam peanuts and all of the endless possibilities that they provide.
Luckily, Tiger is always up for an adventure and Monkey is always happy to accompany him. This time Puppy thought she'd join along. I don't believe snacks were involved so Rhino had no real interest.
"Hmm- what's this?"
Oh, so many pieces, so light, so fluffy. And they fly...
"look guys- they stick to the couch... and inside it too!"
"Really, let me try."
"How many do you think there are? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions?"
"I don't know but let's see what they look like spread out-"
Ah. It's a Thursday morning. The sun is shining and it's another beautiful day at the zoo. Yes, there's nothing like getting to use the broom, dustpan, duct tape, toilet plunger and operate the shop-vac all before breakfast.
Grandma, we got your package. The children thank you for the styrofoam peanuts and all of the endless possibilities that they provide.
9.17.2010
11 Ways to Raise a Mother Raising a Child with Autism
I have several people, well- at least two or three, who are always asking me how I can raise two children with autism and still be so happy. The simple answer is that I love my kids but it is important for me to note that my kids have autism- it doesn’t have us. Sure, life is different when you get the diagnosis and even before that when you first start seeing the signs but I feel like you should take that information and use it as a tool rather than a prison sentence. Life, any life, is what we make of it. Sure you may get more lemons, limes and problems the size of melons thrown at you but that just means you get a lot more lemonade and a lot more varieties of flavor.
That said, while I could write a full book on the subject, here are a few suggestions (11 to be exact) to give a mother hope, to help raise her up to the place where she can hold her head up high and enjoy the experience of raising a child with autism…
1. Let Go. Let go of all of the guilt, the torment, the uncertainty, the control, the bitterness and every other negative thought. It is what it is and only you have the power to change you and your child’s outlook on the future. Be careful not to spend so much time planning for tomorrow that you miss today. No mother knows what will become of her child and so in that sense he is no different. Your child is still your child- you’ll just be learning different ways to help him and having experiences you never thought possible. Let go of things you can’t change and start living again.
2. Embrace It. Once you learn how to let go of every negative feeling you can start to feel the excitement that comes with new challenges. Stop dwelling on what he can’t do and rejoice in the things he can. Get off the pity couch and get on the floor with him. Do things he enjoys doing and build a bond between you. The first step in his learning from you is to trust you and that happens through building a relationship- a mother and child relationship. Consider how attentive a mother is with her newborn. While she doesn’t fantasize about spending hours playing peek- a- boo, she does it because of the joy in his eyes every time she reappears. Don’t be afraid to have expectations, just make sure they are obtainable and work together to make them happen. Don’t put aside dreams. Find out what interests him and help him walk the road to be all he can be. Give your child what he needs by realizing what he needs.
3. Trust Yourself. You are doing better than you think. You can do this! You are not his mom by accident; he needs you and you need him. Put aside feelings of inadequacy and have some faith in yourself- know that you have powers beyond this world helping you. You will discover abilities you never knew you had; talents you may have missed the opportunity to develop had he never given you the chance. If ever you feel weak, look into his eyes for strength- Trust yourself- because he trusts in you.
4. Find Humor. Don’t get so caught up in meetings, therapies and trying to give him every opportunity that you miss the simple joys. While there is nothing funny about wasting an entire cake on sensory experiences (it’s for a good cause but still not right in my opinion), you can find humor in even the worst days; trust me. The worst catastrophes make the best memories and if you can laugh them off before they become history lessons- you are that much further ahead. Take joy in the life your child possesses and remember every day how much better it feels to laugh.
5. Invest in Child-Savers. These are material things that may save your child when things go wrong. Yes, alarms and locks are great but I’m thinking more along the lines of carpet cleaners and trampolines. Messes aren’t so bad when you have the equipment and know how to clean them up. Extra energy usually exerted on the couch can have a more productive release. Some purchases might seem costly but when it saves you and/or child from a meltdown- they are worth every penny. I’m not encouraging debt, but rather those essential items that make your life, and his, so much more bearable.
6. Don’t be afraid to be a mom. Set rules and as long as they are within reason, expect those rules to be followed. Make certain adjustments for your child’s abilities but don’t allow him to run the show. All kids need boundaries including him. Treat him like a member of the family (because he is) and don’t forget to plan fun things as a family as well. Siblings are special- let them do what only siblings can do. Pick your battles. Being a mom is a huge blessing but a lot of work and it doesn’t get pushed aside because of special needs; it gets magnified.
7. Don’t forget that you still matter. It’s very easy to get caught up in serving your family that you leave your needs for last. Find out, in case you’ve forgotten, what makes you happy and set aside time to do it. The more opportunities you take to renew your own spirits the easier it will be to lift others. This includes your marriage, if applicable. While it may seem like forever to you right now, your child probably won’t always need you as much as he does at this time- Don’t lose yourself or forget how important it is to his growth for you to keep growing as well.
8. Ask for and Accept help. Some of us take it in spades while others struggle with getting help. This applies to behavior modification, child sitting, a break, a meeting or whatever. You are not alone so do not carry your load alone. Do what you can and what you need to do but then let others assist you in your amazing journey. You have to feel comfortable with those assisting you, and you don’t want to take advantage of caring people but you’ll be surprised at how many thank you for the experience of getting to know your child better. Don’t deny them the opportunity and don’t deny yourself the helping hand.
9. Learn all you can. Whether it’s first steps or walking at graduation, the proudest moments of a mother’s life is getting to watch her child succeed. Empower yourself by gaining knowledge about your child specifically and about the ways you can help him. There are numerous resources out there if you’ll take the time to find them. Never stop learning and encourage your child to do the same. You’ll both grow more than you ever imagined was possible. Knowledge is power for you and him. Every child has the potential to learn, we just have to find the right ways to teach.
10. Learn how to be a window instead of a door. Chances are your child depends on you for just about everything at one point in his life, if not constantly. You are his safety. There is a great big world out there that is pretty intimidating but inside he finds comfort in you. Never given him reason to question his trust in you but do not keep him behind a closed door, protecting him from the unknown. Rather, consider yourself his window- he will first experience the world through you, where it is safe but gradually open that window and let him smell the air, feel the breeze and see that there’s a lot more sunshine than there are thunderstorms. The easiest way to achieve this is to believe it yourself. Give him a shoulder to lean on but don’t become his crutch… you won’t always be there to hold him up and he’ll get a lot further on his own two feet.
11. Love unconditionally. This more than likely isn’t a problem for you but still needs to be said. Be patient with your child, with others and with yourself. No mess is worth feelings of bitterness and blame. No amount of time can erase words that you regret having said. Remember that life is good and we are here to be happy. Find the happiness in life and so many troubles just disappear. Time waits for no one so make every minute count and never forget that love conquers all… and that includes autism.
That said, while I could write a full book on the subject, here are a few suggestions (11 to be exact) to give a mother hope, to help raise her up to the place where she can hold her head up high and enjoy the experience of raising a child with autism…
1. Let Go. Let go of all of the guilt, the torment, the uncertainty, the control, the bitterness and every other negative thought. It is what it is and only you have the power to change you and your child’s outlook on the future. Be careful not to spend so much time planning for tomorrow that you miss today. No mother knows what will become of her child and so in that sense he is no different. Your child is still your child- you’ll just be learning different ways to help him and having experiences you never thought possible. Let go of things you can’t change and start living again.
2. Embrace It. Once you learn how to let go of every negative feeling you can start to feel the excitement that comes with new challenges. Stop dwelling on what he can’t do and rejoice in the things he can. Get off the pity couch and get on the floor with him. Do things he enjoys doing and build a bond between you. The first step in his learning from you is to trust you and that happens through building a relationship- a mother and child relationship. Consider how attentive a mother is with her newborn. While she doesn’t fantasize about spending hours playing peek- a- boo, she does it because of the joy in his eyes every time she reappears. Don’t be afraid to have expectations, just make sure they are obtainable and work together to make them happen. Don’t put aside dreams. Find out what interests him and help him walk the road to be all he can be. Give your child what he needs by realizing what he needs.
3. Trust Yourself. You are doing better than you think. You can do this! You are not his mom by accident; he needs you and you need him. Put aside feelings of inadequacy and have some faith in yourself- know that you have powers beyond this world helping you. You will discover abilities you never knew you had; talents you may have missed the opportunity to develop had he never given you the chance. If ever you feel weak, look into his eyes for strength- Trust yourself- because he trusts in you.
4. Find Humor. Don’t get so caught up in meetings, therapies and trying to give him every opportunity that you miss the simple joys. While there is nothing funny about wasting an entire cake on sensory experiences (it’s for a good cause but still not right in my opinion), you can find humor in even the worst days; trust me. The worst catastrophes make the best memories and if you can laugh them off before they become history lessons- you are that much further ahead. Take joy in the life your child possesses and remember every day how much better it feels to laugh.
5. Invest in Child-Savers. These are material things that may save your child when things go wrong. Yes, alarms and locks are great but I’m thinking more along the lines of carpet cleaners and trampolines. Messes aren’t so bad when you have the equipment and know how to clean them up. Extra energy usually exerted on the couch can have a more productive release. Some purchases might seem costly but when it saves you and/or child from a meltdown- they are worth every penny. I’m not encouraging debt, but rather those essential items that make your life, and his, so much more bearable.
6. Don’t be afraid to be a mom. Set rules and as long as they are within reason, expect those rules to be followed. Make certain adjustments for your child’s abilities but don’t allow him to run the show. All kids need boundaries including him. Treat him like a member of the family (because he is) and don’t forget to plan fun things as a family as well. Siblings are special- let them do what only siblings can do. Pick your battles. Being a mom is a huge blessing but a lot of work and it doesn’t get pushed aside because of special needs; it gets magnified.
7. Don’t forget that you still matter. It’s very easy to get caught up in serving your family that you leave your needs for last. Find out, in case you’ve forgotten, what makes you happy and set aside time to do it. The more opportunities you take to renew your own spirits the easier it will be to lift others. This includes your marriage, if applicable. While it may seem like forever to you right now, your child probably won’t always need you as much as he does at this time- Don’t lose yourself or forget how important it is to his growth for you to keep growing as well.
8. Ask for and Accept help. Some of us take it in spades while others struggle with getting help. This applies to behavior modification, child sitting, a break, a meeting or whatever. You are not alone so do not carry your load alone. Do what you can and what you need to do but then let others assist you in your amazing journey. You have to feel comfortable with those assisting you, and you don’t want to take advantage of caring people but you’ll be surprised at how many thank you for the experience of getting to know your child better. Don’t deny them the opportunity and don’t deny yourself the helping hand.
9. Learn all you can. Whether it’s first steps or walking at graduation, the proudest moments of a mother’s life is getting to watch her child succeed. Empower yourself by gaining knowledge about your child specifically and about the ways you can help him. There are numerous resources out there if you’ll take the time to find them. Never stop learning and encourage your child to do the same. You’ll both grow more than you ever imagined was possible. Knowledge is power for you and him. Every child has the potential to learn, we just have to find the right ways to teach.
10. Learn how to be a window instead of a door. Chances are your child depends on you for just about everything at one point in his life, if not constantly. You are his safety. There is a great big world out there that is pretty intimidating but inside he finds comfort in you. Never given him reason to question his trust in you but do not keep him behind a closed door, protecting him from the unknown. Rather, consider yourself his window- he will first experience the world through you, where it is safe but gradually open that window and let him smell the air, feel the breeze and see that there’s a lot more sunshine than there are thunderstorms. The easiest way to achieve this is to believe it yourself. Give him a shoulder to lean on but don’t become his crutch… you won’t always be there to hold him up and he’ll get a lot further on his own two feet.
11. Love unconditionally. This more than likely isn’t a problem for you but still needs to be said. Be patient with your child, with others and with yourself. No mess is worth feelings of bitterness and blame. No amount of time can erase words that you regret having said. Remember that life is good and we are here to be happy. Find the happiness in life and so many troubles just disappear. Time waits for no one so make every minute count and never forget that love conquers all… and that includes autism.
9.16.2010
you do the math...
matches + wood.
petting zoo + pony ride.
water hose + dirt.
red juice + carpet.
Ketchup + table + chairs + walls.
4 four year olds + 1st day of preschool.
1 one year old + a bottle not so full anymore of dish-soap.
1 new blanket + 1 naked boy.
1 eight year old + upcoming birthday.
1 mom + 4 very energetic, curious and crazy animals.
and yes- this only adds up to part of the week....
petting zoo + pony ride.
water hose + dirt.
red juice + carpet.
Ketchup + table + chairs + walls.
4 four year olds + 1st day of preschool.
1 one year old + a bottle not so full anymore of dish-soap.
1 new blanket + 1 naked boy.
1 eight year old + upcoming birthday.
1 mom + 4 very energetic, curious and crazy animals.
and yes- this only adds up to part of the week....
9.09.2010
A Match made in Heaven
Gibbons. Swans. Black vultures. French angelfish. Wolves. Albatrosses. Termites. Prairie Voles. Turtle Doves. Schistosoma mansoni worms. Bald eagles.
"Huh? What is this list?" You may be wondering what strange thoughts I've got going through my mind today so I'll tell you. This is just a short list of animals (species in some cases) that mate for life.
(disclaimer- the remainder of this post will get mushy)
Ten years and one day ago Mr. Zookeeper made the best decision of his life. He married me. And oh yeah- I did pretty well myself.
From the moment I saw him I knew I was going to marry him. I even made it known as a group of us girls were sipping slurpees after a long night of dancing. The only thing left was to let him in on my plan.
Per my longest desires, we had a fairytale wedding. No really- it was a party straight out of a book complete with bridesmaids wearing period style dresses. My dress was beautifully constructed by my dear, sweet, talented sister in law... did I mention she was also FREE? I allowed the men to wear tuxes and suits even though I knew that most of them were secretly hoping to wear tights.
My amazing family pulled the whole thing off complete with a father and son made, transportable castle that stood as my backdrop. It was amazing and a dream that came true long before what I knew Happily Ever After really meant.
Married for Time and All Eternity in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Las Vegas Temple our story began. At the time I was a giddy girl full of hopes and wishes just happy to be actually getting married let alone the fact that he was cute, smart and even taller than me.
The day went as most weddings and receptions do, with a few of our own twists, but our real journey together happened a few days later. Because I never fall short of plenty to say- I will attempt to keep the most memorable moments(and ones we're willing to share)brief:
-I load up the car and take the wheel while my groom who cannot drive due to a broken foot he received at a "calm" bachelor's party of playing volleyball sits in the passenger seat with a map. I am not a good driver and get lost going to the bathroom. This makes for a whole story in itself.
-Driving along the freeway to California going 25 mph up the grade because my little Toyota just won't go any faster up the hill in spite of how many cars honk at us.
-Both of us are laughing and I say, "I didn't even know you were funny". I was serious. We'd shared some good times but were never alone for very long at a time. He really is a funny guy- bonus points.
-We are having such a good time talking and getting to really know each other I start to exit the freeway. When corrected and asked what I was doing my only reply came out, "I saw a motel".
Monday- Universal Studios. Tuesday- Sea World.
-Decide to go swimming but can't enjoy ourselves because a police officer keeps walking around my parked car. Mr. Zookeeper gets out to inquire. He is left dripping wet in the parking lot while the officer, whom we nicknamed Shamu, comes walking towards me, jingling her handcuffs and says, "oh Stephanie..." Apparently the paint on the back of my car matched the paint of a vehicle that had been hit in the parking lot. After persuading her that it was from a previous embarrassing accident involving my own driveway and handing over every bit of personal information aside from our blood type and underwear size, she let us alone. Needless to say- the swim was over and I didn't sleep too well that night.
Wednesday- San Diego Zoo and Legoland. Thursday- Disneyland.
-At this point I am so tired from driving to different cities, hotels and theme parks that it is all I can do to push Mr. Zookeeper's wheelchair up one more hill. We opt for sitting on a bench on Main Street with a frozen lemonade. Oh. Sitting never felt so good.
Friday- long drive home to what would become our new lives.
Mr. Zookeeper was the first person I'd ever kissed. I didn't know much about him when we married other than that I liked him and knew that he was the one for me... no matter how many other girls I had to fight off. It never turned bloody but it got close a few times, he was a rather popular guy and quite the catch (as if I'd settle for anything that wasn't a challenge).
Ten years later we have become best friends. We weathered storms and ran through fields of golds together. We endured school and stretch marks and now back to the school journey. We have in every sense grown up together. Sure, we still have a long way to go but every morning I wake up, after wiping the drool from my pillow, the first blessing I count is him. We have not always agreed but we have never argued. We never had to. He has taught me more about patience, love, life, enduring and true happiness than I could have ever imagined. The symbol for autism awareness is a puzzle piece. This shows that we are trying to put all of the pieces together to help out these special spirits. Mr. Zookeeper is my missing piece; he completes me in every way.
While I prefer being in the same category as an eagle or turtle dove vs a worm or termite; I am proud to say that I have found my mate for life. The albatross flies all over the world but always returns to his mate. The gibbons treat each other as equals and swans spend their days swimming and working side by side, their heads and necks always touching has become a symbol of love itself as together they form the shape of a heart. Ahh- (I know, it's easy to get all choked up).
While I would never invite a family of termites to visit it is interesting to know that after a queen ant mates, all of the males die but when a termite queen mates, she more or less chooses a king and together they start their own colony. On a less squirmy note, we see a softer side of what is usually regarded as a beastly creature. Wolves leave their packs and pair off as mates and start their own families- this becomes their new pack and as a wolf you depend on your pack for everything, including survival.
Because of the circumstances that surround our paths crossing and us meeting, I believe that these two zookeepers were a match made in Heaven and because we have the blessing of knowing about Eternal Families; I know we always will be.
So- to MY Mr. zookeeper- Thank you for ten beautiful years full of laughter even in the hard times... and no matter how many times we play this game- I love YOU more! (Ha!- I win!)
"Huh? What is this list?" You may be wondering what strange thoughts I've got going through my mind today so I'll tell you. This is just a short list of animals (species in some cases) that mate for life.
(disclaimer- the remainder of this post will get mushy)
Ten years and one day ago Mr. Zookeeper made the best decision of his life. He married me. And oh yeah- I did pretty well myself.
From the moment I saw him I knew I was going to marry him. I even made it known as a group of us girls were sipping slurpees after a long night of dancing. The only thing left was to let him in on my plan.
Per my longest desires, we had a fairytale wedding. No really- it was a party straight out of a book complete with bridesmaids wearing period style dresses. My dress was beautifully constructed by my dear, sweet, talented sister in law... did I mention she was also FREE? I allowed the men to wear tuxes and suits even though I knew that most of them were secretly hoping to wear tights.
My amazing family pulled the whole thing off complete with a father and son made, transportable castle that stood as my backdrop. It was amazing and a dream that came true long before what I knew Happily Ever After really meant.
Married for Time and All Eternity in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Las Vegas Temple our story began. At the time I was a giddy girl full of hopes and wishes just happy to be actually getting married let alone the fact that he was cute, smart and even taller than me.
The day went as most weddings and receptions do, with a few of our own twists, but our real journey together happened a few days later. Because I never fall short of plenty to say- I will attempt to keep the most memorable moments(and ones we're willing to share)brief:
-I load up the car and take the wheel while my groom who cannot drive due to a broken foot he received at a "calm" bachelor's party of playing volleyball sits in the passenger seat with a map. I am not a good driver and get lost going to the bathroom. This makes for a whole story in itself.
-Driving along the freeway to California going 25 mph up the grade because my little Toyota just won't go any faster up the hill in spite of how many cars honk at us.
-Both of us are laughing and I say, "I didn't even know you were funny". I was serious. We'd shared some good times but were never alone for very long at a time. He really is a funny guy- bonus points.
-We are having such a good time talking and getting to really know each other I start to exit the freeway. When corrected and asked what I was doing my only reply came out, "I saw a motel".
Monday- Universal Studios. Tuesday- Sea World.
-Decide to go swimming but can't enjoy ourselves because a police officer keeps walking around my parked car. Mr. Zookeeper gets out to inquire. He is left dripping wet in the parking lot while the officer, whom we nicknamed Shamu, comes walking towards me, jingling her handcuffs and says, "oh Stephanie..." Apparently the paint on the back of my car matched the paint of a vehicle that had been hit in the parking lot. After persuading her that it was from a previous embarrassing accident involving my own driveway and handing over every bit of personal information aside from our blood type and underwear size, she let us alone. Needless to say- the swim was over and I didn't sleep too well that night.
Wednesday- San Diego Zoo and Legoland. Thursday- Disneyland.
-At this point I am so tired from driving to different cities, hotels and theme parks that it is all I can do to push Mr. Zookeeper's wheelchair up one more hill. We opt for sitting on a bench on Main Street with a frozen lemonade. Oh. Sitting never felt so good.
Friday- long drive home to what would become our new lives.
Mr. Zookeeper was the first person I'd ever kissed. I didn't know much about him when we married other than that I liked him and knew that he was the one for me... no matter how many other girls I had to fight off. It never turned bloody but it got close a few times, he was a rather popular guy and quite the catch (as if I'd settle for anything that wasn't a challenge).
Ten years later we have become best friends. We weathered storms and ran through fields of golds together. We endured school and stretch marks and now back to the school journey. We have in every sense grown up together. Sure, we still have a long way to go but every morning I wake up, after wiping the drool from my pillow, the first blessing I count is him. We have not always agreed but we have never argued. We never had to. He has taught me more about patience, love, life, enduring and true happiness than I could have ever imagined. The symbol for autism awareness is a puzzle piece. This shows that we are trying to put all of the pieces together to help out these special spirits. Mr. Zookeeper is my missing piece; he completes me in every way.
While I prefer being in the same category as an eagle or turtle dove vs a worm or termite; I am proud to say that I have found my mate for life. The albatross flies all over the world but always returns to his mate. The gibbons treat each other as equals and swans spend their days swimming and working side by side, their heads and necks always touching has become a symbol of love itself as together they form the shape of a heart. Ahh- (I know, it's easy to get all choked up).
While I would never invite a family of termites to visit it is interesting to know that after a queen ant mates, all of the males die but when a termite queen mates, she more or less chooses a king and together they start their own colony. On a less squirmy note, we see a softer side of what is usually regarded as a beastly creature. Wolves leave their packs and pair off as mates and start their own families- this becomes their new pack and as a wolf you depend on your pack for everything, including survival.
Because of the circumstances that surround our paths crossing and us meeting, I believe that these two zookeepers were a match made in Heaven and because we have the blessing of knowing about Eternal Families; I know we always will be.
So- to MY Mr. zookeeper- Thank you for ten beautiful years full of laughter even in the hard times... and no matter how many times we play this game- I love YOU more! (Ha!- I win!)
9.01.2010
Back to School
My boys started riding a bus when they were three so first and third grade are no big deal for me. (My biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with a four year old at home!) In fact, it's usually comforting for everyone to get back to a schedule and get back to work. I wouldn't trade our summers and vacation time for anything in the world but we are meant to learn and grow and we do that through playing but also through schooling. I am grateful to all of the teachers that have helped me get my boys where they are today... and for all the teachers who can take a hit to the face, a bite on the arm and a good clean fight of who can sit there the longest before someone gives in and just eats the grape.
This year I had more nerves about school starting than I'd felt in a long time. Only it had nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with me.
It was my turn to go back to school.
After twelve years of nothing but mommy-hood, parent teacher conferences, laundry, dishes and diapers; I am now the student.
I know I'm not the first mom to ever go back to school, far from it- but I never saw this coming. I graduated a year early from high school just to be done. Worked hard to put away money and then emotionally supported a loving husband as he obtained his formal education. After eight years of classes, reports, exams and homework I was just as relieved as he was to be done with school once and for all. Then, a year later my life changed... again.
There I was sweeping the floor when a distinct impression came to my mind to start school. The very next thought, and you'll study psychology.
Without a question in my mind, yet anyway, I told Mr. Zookeeper what I had thought and without missing a beat (which I was afraid of) he agreed. We began talking options and before I knew it I was applying to colleges. Needless to say I don't spend too much leisurely time sweeping floors anymore- it can lead to trouble.
Given my life as a mom, I was not willing to trade one for the other and knew that online schooling was the only way I could do it. It took a full year and a half to get things rolling and now, at age twenty nine I am a freshman in college. I'm not sure what parts will be hardest for me. I am used to running my own schedule, being in charge and basically always being right. Now I will be making deadlines, receiving instructions and being at the mercy of constructive criticism and grades. If that's not a blow to pride I don't know what is.
While I still have no doubts that this is what I should be doing right now, I do wonder where all of this will lead. I have no intentions of ever leaving my position as full time mom and hope the day never comes that I must support my family.
Why this? Why now? Why me?
Rhino says, "What? your homework? Mom's aren't supposed to go to school" and I say, "tell me about it."
I do know that I am excited for this new adventure. Scared yes- especially by the ugly beast known as math. I struggle helping my son with second grade homework let alone my own. But, I know that the things I will learn will help me be a better mom. Whether I study for a short time or go the distance as a fully licensed doctor only time can tell but the education that I will obtain will help me with my boys and with my desire to help other families that also deal with special needs.
I feel so appreciative for this opportunity. Ironically since I would have never wished it for myself but am excited to see where it takes me. Blessed to have a supportive husband, even as he laughs at me knowing that it is my turn and he is done. He has already become my backbone in giving confidence and stepping in while I had homework to do... perhaps that's because he's so grateful it's me and not him? Or maybe it's because he is just the best thing that ever happened to me and I could never take this on without him?
I sort of feel like things are already crazy around here and my time is limited. These would be very good reasons to talk myself out of this jump, but- then I remember the blessing of promptings and can recall a few short breaks in between going potty, redressing monkey, feeding rhino, petting puppy and getting Tiger off the top of the camp trailer so maybe it will work out after all.
Maybe I will be able to better take on these challenges as an adult (hey- I have a mortgage and I can vote- I'm entitled to call myself one if I want) and I will get more out of my studies now that I have a desire to learn and a thirst for knowledge. We should never stop learning. Never stop growing and never underestimate what power we have to make a difference in this world or a difference in our own little worlds. I know that with my experience as a mom and a full education I will be able to do things that right now I only read about in the weekly scholastic reader. Whether it is going back to school or getting a book from the library- knowledge is power. (and that's something I learned in second grade- see- it's already starting to come back to me)
Where will this all lead? I just don't know that yet, but it's going to be one wild ride getting there... and hey- I'm all about adventures!
This year I had more nerves about school starting than I'd felt in a long time. Only it had nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with me.
It was my turn to go back to school.
After twelve years of nothing but mommy-hood, parent teacher conferences, laundry, dishes and diapers; I am now the student.
I know I'm not the first mom to ever go back to school, far from it- but I never saw this coming. I graduated a year early from high school just to be done. Worked hard to put away money and then emotionally supported a loving husband as he obtained his formal education. After eight years of classes, reports, exams and homework I was just as relieved as he was to be done with school once and for all. Then, a year later my life changed... again.
There I was sweeping the floor when a distinct impression came to my mind to start school. The very next thought, and you'll study psychology.
Without a question in my mind, yet anyway, I told Mr. Zookeeper what I had thought and without missing a beat (which I was afraid of) he agreed. We began talking options and before I knew it I was applying to colleges. Needless to say I don't spend too much leisurely time sweeping floors anymore- it can lead to trouble.
Given my life as a mom, I was not willing to trade one for the other and knew that online schooling was the only way I could do it. It took a full year and a half to get things rolling and now, at age twenty nine I am a freshman in college. I'm not sure what parts will be hardest for me. I am used to running my own schedule, being in charge and basically always being right. Now I will be making deadlines, receiving instructions and being at the mercy of constructive criticism and grades. If that's not a blow to pride I don't know what is.
While I still have no doubts that this is what I should be doing right now, I do wonder where all of this will lead. I have no intentions of ever leaving my position as full time mom and hope the day never comes that I must support my family.
Why this? Why now? Why me?
Rhino says, "What? your homework? Mom's aren't supposed to go to school" and I say, "tell me about it."
I do know that I am excited for this new adventure. Scared yes- especially by the ugly beast known as math. I struggle helping my son with second grade homework let alone my own. But, I know that the things I will learn will help me be a better mom. Whether I study for a short time or go the distance as a fully licensed doctor only time can tell but the education that I will obtain will help me with my boys and with my desire to help other families that also deal with special needs.
I feel so appreciative for this opportunity. Ironically since I would have never wished it for myself but am excited to see where it takes me. Blessed to have a supportive husband, even as he laughs at me knowing that it is my turn and he is done. He has already become my backbone in giving confidence and stepping in while I had homework to do... perhaps that's because he's so grateful it's me and not him? Or maybe it's because he is just the best thing that ever happened to me and I could never take this on without him?
I sort of feel like things are already crazy around here and my time is limited. These would be very good reasons to talk myself out of this jump, but- then I remember the blessing of promptings and can recall a few short breaks in between going potty, redressing monkey, feeding rhino, petting puppy and getting Tiger off the top of the camp trailer so maybe it will work out after all.
Maybe I will be able to better take on these challenges as an adult (hey- I have a mortgage and I can vote- I'm entitled to call myself one if I want) and I will get more out of my studies now that I have a desire to learn and a thirst for knowledge. We should never stop learning. Never stop growing and never underestimate what power we have to make a difference in this world or a difference in our own little worlds. I know that with my experience as a mom and a full education I will be able to do things that right now I only read about in the weekly scholastic reader. Whether it is going back to school or getting a book from the library- knowledge is power. (and that's something I learned in second grade- see- it's already starting to come back to me)
Where will this all lead? I just don't know that yet, but it's going to be one wild ride getting there... and hey- I'm all about adventures!
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