All shook up.

It has been a humbling few weeks. I try to stay as independent as I can. Not because I don't like others to help me, but because I cannot rely on that. Truth is, if I could ring a bell for service it'd be going off like a broken alarm clock!  But, everyone is fighting a hard battle and sometimes we just have to roll up our sleeves and take care of the business at hand.

Mr. Zookeeper was playing chaperone to a group of boy-scouts doing an over-night camp out. Puppy was up all night coughing and throwing up. There's no tag team or passing of the baton when you are the only one on the track field- so- I did what every mother does when they have a sick child. I couldn't take the pain away so I held her in my arms and caught her puke in my hands.

Morning comes whether you've slept or not. I've spoken many times with mother nature and father time but I've yet to control either. (Though I will not give up trying)  Very tired, I went slowly about my morning and watched the clock hoping my persistence would alarm the garage door open and in would pop my saving grace. Lunch came and went and I needed to lay down. One should never leave a Tiger walking around outside his cage so I pondered on my options. Hesitantly, I dialed a friend and asked if she would be home for a few hours and if she wouldn't mind tending a Tiger so I could close my eyes. She accepted the challenge and I loaded up the zoo-van.

I no sooner dropped off my wild animal when I had a dreaded but oh so familiar feeling come over me. My neck filled with heat and my right arm began to shake. Not again, I thought. I reached into my purse and before turning the corner chewed up a glucose tablet. The shakiness seized and the energy crash took over. Once home, I tried to eat some protein and level out my sugar. To no avail, the shakiness persisted. I ate more, drank more and began to fear the worse. I had been dealing with hypoglycemia attack symptoms sometimes 2-3 times a week recently but I always managed to handle them. This one, though, was not letting up. I always let someone know when I am having an attack so that I nor my children are alone. I rose to my feet in attempt to go get a neighbor but felt very faint. I called to Rhino to run and get the neighbor mom.  Most Rhino's charge in an emergency. Not mine. After debating about whether or not he needed shoes- I persuaded him to hurry. I watched him out the window feeling weaker and less conscience by the second. When the designated neighbor did not answer, Rhino stood there not knowing what to do. I made my way out front and signaled for him to go to the next house.  Because this door was hidden from my front porch- I had to butt scoot down the front steps and out on the grass to give him further direction.

By the time Rhino reached the third house, my neighbor came out from behind his fence. Already dressed in bright pajamas and impersonating a Starburst wrapper, I was afraid that I might not be very decent as I sprawled out across the concrete in order to keep consciousness. I requested my neighbor retrieve his wife and by the time she came, Rhino had gotten help from another neighbor.  These poor men had to straddle a grown a woman who was face planted on the porch. I knew it was a lot to ask at the time but had little control of the situation.  The security cameras Mr. Zookeeper installed last month provided a now-comical replay of the whole event.

By the time one neighbor came, all three showed up and my body was beyond my control. I knew something had to be done but I didn't know what to do to rectify the situation. My sweet neighbors anxiously tried to get a hold of my husband with no luck and provide for me every little thing I could I ask for. A friend with a background in nursing (whose sweet wife was also watching my Tiger) provided some direction over the phone and rushed to my side. My body seized up and I was shaking from head to toe. Was it a seizure?  I don't know. Was I scared?  Absolutely.

I was able to compose myself and then the dry heaving began.  I have had children and thus lost all dignity years ago but nothing compares to having a house full of friends worrying for your safety. One friend even had to help me use the bathroom- does Hallmark make Thank you cards for that sort of thing?

Not feeling any better, I was driven towards the hospital after pausing to remember when the last time was that I changed my underpants... nobody wants to receive medical attention with dirty underpants on. Luckily, my symptoms subsided enough that I did not feel the need to rush in and cause another scene. Hospitals and I don't get along too well.  After hanging out in the parking lot, being handed over to Mr. Zookeeper who met us on the side of the road and then waiting it out in the Wendy's down the street from the hospital, I felt comfortable enough to return home.

Exhausted was the only feeling I had left in me.  I was even too tired to carry on conversation which you know is serious. I did not know where my children were but trusted Mr. Zookeeper to gather them.

I was humbled to have so many people rush to my aid (and not mention whether or not they saw my rear end) but even more humbled by the days that followed.  One friend took my kids over night so Mr. Zookeeper could focus on me (trying hard not to be tempted to make this habit) and then she kept them all the next day. Mr. Zookeeper reluctantly had to leave town for work but I was never alone. The same friend who had just returned my children showed up and started sweeping my floor. Without hesitation, she assisted me in stabbing my finger (I hate pulling the trigger) to check my blood sugar and then took care of the dishes. She paused long enough to answer the door to two dear friends who brought me freezer food. As I visited with them, my friend answered the phone to speak with one of my concerned neighbors who was preparing to come sleep on my couch while my husband was away. As soon as two friends left and the phone was hung up, another friend showed up with dinner for the night.

My kids had so much fun at their sleepover that they all piled in to the van and went back to play some more. Mr. Zookeeper had a delayed flight so he came home for the night. We picked up the kids and I enjoyed the visit and trip out of the house.

The next morning came and the kids had already been spoken for. While I felt better, I was still not great and knew the kids would have more fun playing than watching mom be sick on the couch. Dinner was being brought in to me so that I didn't have to worry about feeding myself. I do not like to receive help- I much prefer giving it but when it comes to my family- I know how to accept help when I need it.  I needed the help and was very grateful to everyone.

I no sooner finished my hair when I felt shaky all over again. I grabbed my supplies and ran to the neighbor so I wouldn't have an attack alone. She graciously spared her couch and called yet another friend to give me a ride to the doctor.  This was getting ridiculous and I needed professional help.

I was not able to get much help that day from the doctors. As was my diagnosis two years ago (after dozens of tests and over $5,000.00) my verdict was that I remained a mystery patient.  I was given another referral and told to drink my orange juice for relief.

I could not be disheartened. I was bombarded with love from so many people and I never felt alone. I prayed. I prayed in thanks and I prayed in earnest desire to know how to help my body.

I scheduled an appointment with a kinesiologist (Google it if you're unaware, but keep an open mind) and felt hopeful that the miracle they worked with my Tiger when he was born deformed could be worked on me as well. Any answers, any help would be better than repeating the unknown.

Two days passed and I woke up to an infected eye. Really? On one hand I didn't want to get anyone else sick since so many people were involved but on the other, I just didn't want to deal with any more doctors. The same friend who planned the sleepover and swept my floor called to see if I needed anything from the store. Eye drops maybe? I felt so dumb for telling her my new ailment and found myself just wishing I wasn't so needy. She did not just get me drops for irritation. Instead, she went to friend and neighbor of hers who is an eye doctor and got a prescription that would kill any bacteria and infection I might have going on. I hugged her. I hadn't showered yet so I am not sure that was the best payment but I didn't know what else to do. Crying only made the goop worse and I just didn't have words.

This is a very long post- but it was a very long week. I woke up one afternoon from a nap to find my downstairs had been cleaned and smelled of lemons. Another day I woke to find my lawns mowed. I could not keep from falling asleep mid day because I had no energy but desperately wanted to catch the cleaning fairies in action to prove they existed.

My appointment came (just 5 days after my initial scare) and I was anxious. Of course three minutes before I was to load up the van I felt the shakes come on. I can't drive when I am unsure of my safety so I sucked it up and called my neighbor for a ride- yes, another neighbor who had also brought me dinner the night before.

The hour visit went well. I was impressed but overall relieved to finally have some answers. Here is the note I shared with my wondering friends and the gist of what the Doc had to say... though mind you we went overtime and he still didn't get to all of my issues:

"I have a cranial imbalance associated with neurological cross-wiring. Basically, my body is in survival mode- it is not absorbing the nutrients it needs to maintain health. It is affecting my nervous system and skeletal system- which basically means- when our bodies aren't working properly, something has to give and that's what my body is giving up. I have some issues with my liver that we'll hopefully be able to heal and my body is only getting 25% of the glucose I am feeding it and even less protein (hence the neurological cross wiring). Naturally, my metabolism is struggling. I have some insulin resistance that may need to be addressed later but for now we're working on restoring the most basic needs. This has all contributed to the many problems I have been having over the years. My doctor compared it to filling up the gas tank every day and still having no gas because it's leaking out and there's no fuel getting in. So the body runs on empty and uses every drop it possibly can- and when it can't access any fuel, it shakes to let you know it's empty. I don't know much about cars but I do know when the little red light goes on- I'd better hurry and get to a station :) I am being treated through vitamins and nutrition so we can patch up all the tiny holes and hopefully my body will respond quickly. I went overtime on my appointment so we only discussed how to treat symptoms for now (to keep me from having more attacks) and later we'll discuss the main contributors/causes to my "leaking tank".

I feel very blessed to not only have some answers but to be on the path to restoring my body's health. I appreciate all of your time and service to me and my family!

The Lord does not send heavenly angels when the ones on earth can accomplish his work- I feel very humbled to have been blessed with so many personal angels- you have saved my life in more ways than one and [we] love you for it- Thank you all!"

Two weeks have passed. Last week was very eventful (look for my next post to describe our trip to New York) but I was able to get rest as I took naps everyday (fun date) and focus on me and my needs.  Mr. Zookeeper has been amazing and the children have been very forgiving. I am still weak and have to pay close attention to my body but I feel blessed in so many ways that I cannot stop the tears of joy from flowing down my cheeks.  I am emotional as I think about what changes I need to make. I have a demanding life and wrestle with wild animals, especially a Tiger, every day. That will not change but I know that the Lord will give me strength. He has lifted me up so many times when my shoulders could carry the burden no more and has always blessed me with what I need.

Two weeks ago I did not feel like my body was my own. I was literally all shook up as my physical being struggled. Now, I am all shook up as I turn my heart to my Savior. I know without a doubt that he is mindful of me and I feel nothing that he has not already experienced. He knows my heart, my mind and my body and through him, I receive more strength everyday.  I am grateful not only to have this knowledge but to be a part of an organized religion. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints means that we literally take the name of Christ upon us. To become like Him we must act as he would. I had many neighbors come to my aid, but through this great and marvelous organized religion, I had a network of sisters by my side though my immediate family lives miles away.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Mathew 25

Sometimes we rescue and sometimes we need rescuing.  I may tame and train animals all day everyday but even the most determined zookeeper has limitations. That's where the most heavenly and life-changing moments happen.  I would rather know my neighbors under less intimate terms but have never felt so close to them as I did when they rescued me. Receiving help or having weaknesses does not make us less of a person. On the contrary, it makes us human and in need of our Savior...