Never turn your back on a Tiger

"You a scary mom, Mom. You scare all of the people away!"... says the boy wearing nothing but tighty whities dancing on the roof of the truck out front.  He snuck up there while I raced inside to soak my shirt which Tiger randomly decided to test his marker on. There we were drawing chalk princesses and dragons on our driveway when I feel pressure from my neck to my tailbone."Ha- I write on your back!"

Tiger is a hoot. He's exhausting, but hilarious and never boring.

Let's see how the rest of yesterday went:

Wake up to my blinds being open and Tiger trying on my bra. Rescue my underwear to discover he has been up a while and decided to start cooking breakfast. His new favorite number on the microwave is 1000- which equals 10 minutes of cooking time. I save the microwave but cannot resuscitate the sausage or the Styrofoam plate it was melting. Kicked on the fan but had to turn it off to hear what Tiger was yelling.  The dvd we checked-out from the library didn't want to go into the player- so he just gave it a little shove. This is why we don't have nice things and why "borrowing" is never a good idea.

Refixed breakfast and promptly cleaned up the splatters of the now empty bottle of ketchup that was just opened the night before. I mention to Tiger that he may want to go wash his stomach, face, knees, feet and hands off.  He was not around to hear me, but apparently did.

I am still missing my ceiling so the sound of running water really travels... once you figure out what the sound is. I rush upstairs to find him swimming in my garden tub, complete with goggles. He prefers waterfalls to idle lakes and enjoyed helping the water escape onto the floor. After turning off the water, I ran to get some towels. He took advantage of my absence and replenished the drought. "Leave the water off and stop drinking the water- that's not OK!... and give me that bucket- where did you get that from?"

The water was draining and Tiger insisted on using every ounce. Rhino needed help locating his hand me down i-pod  and Tiger's naked bum needed underwear before he started streaking so I made a quick exit. Upon returning, I found Tiger climbing out of the tub- with Rhino's i-pod.

We all got dressed and headed for the van.  "Where's Tiger?"
"He's buckled in his car-seat."
"Does he have shoes on?"
"No."
I run upstairs, through the jungle and up the mountain to relocate shoes (it wouldn't be so bad if shoes didn't have to match all of the time!) Wait, those are Tiger's pants.

Redress Tiger and head across town.  Wait a few minutes in the hotel lobby and Tiger starts riding the luggage rack.  They shouldn't put fun carts with wheels in the doorway of a hotel that rents out their board room to children with sensory disorders. They are just asking for it.

We agree that kung-fu would not be a wise choice to use on the soda machine and twenty minutes later- get invited to our appointment.  Tiger finishes his picture, all the while ignoring the teacher's existence- unless he sees her prize box. He goes ahead and chooses what he wants and yells as if we're performing experimental science on him. He was already wearing his headphones (to block out disturbing sound) and then pulls his goggles out of his pocket.  Why not?

"Oh, I bet he likes the pressure around his head and the fact that they block out some surrounding sights."

"Yeah, that and he just likes goggles."

I became a human jungle gym and calmed the boy down. When I stopped spinning, (again, swivel chairs- not recommended unless spinning is encouraged) Tiger began quoting his latest movie adventure.

"I don't mean to cause offense, but maybe he would be happier somewhere else."

She was very nice about it, and no doubt looking out for his best interest... plus she mentioned they can't be too loud since they are in a hotel and Tiger only has 1 volume and it's stuck on MAX. Tiger was earning french fries and since the session was done, regardless of the fact that my paperwork was returned and I was given another option, he was ready for french fries.

He insists he wants curly fries. We are wedged in the Arby's drive-thru when he spots McDonald's next door. We order curly fries and then get chicken nuggets and fries from the neighbor. Thank goodness for drive-thru's and credit card machines.

We return home- I am tired and it's only 1:00 in the afternoon.

Tiger is watching Tv so I sit down and get some work done... after I talk to the psychologist about his recent test scores and stubbornness.

"Mom, where's Tiger?" Puppy is always looking out for everyone.

"He was upstairs, is he not anymore?"

"I can't find him."

I look all over. Puppy looks all over. Rhino checks the seat next to him and concludes he's not there.

"TIGER!  Where are you?"

He is no where to be found and panic sets in. I am optimist who can quickly imagine the worse things coming true. "Mom, I'll call you right back. TIGER!"

He couldn't have gone outside, I was sitting right there by the door.

I walk out to find Puppy jumping. "Puppy, did you find Tiger?"

She gestures toward the sky.

There sits Tiger on top of the camp trailer in nothing but his underwear, just chilling. "Hi Mom!"

I challenge my fear of heights and pull him down... for the hundredth time this year. It would be easier if the boards placed strategically to block the ladder in attempt to keep Tigers from climbing weren't in my way.

"Tiger, what am I going to do with you?"

With a straight face and in all seriousness, "Get me a snack."

So doctor, like I was saying, I just can't figure out why I am so tired all of the time...

Learning for myself... One step at a time.

I had an amazing experience recently. It started a few weeks, maybe even months ago but finally my feelings came full circle.

I have not been feeling well. In fact, I have been trying to help my liver recover near failure. While researching, because Google knows everything and never lies, I came across a Chinese connection of suppressed anger living in the liver.  Okay, I can handle this.   After all, I am a people-pleaser so I suppress a lot of my own feelings to make others happy. Working on that. I am passionate and so naturally I would feel anger or at least discontent towards things that counter my passions. And, I have been suppressing the desire to scream every time I find ketchup has been returned to the ceiling, under the table and scraped across the wall. I suppress the desires to sometimes have a friendly petting zoo vs a wild animal park.  Mainly, I suppress things I don't know I am suppressing simply because I don't want to give them any attention... I don't have time for things I can't fix so I try not to worry about them (and just blog about them instead).

In addition to swallowing vitamins made from leaves and bark I have begun sitting calmly while chanting sounds and smiling at my liver.  I am a fixer so I will try just about anything that doesn't involve pain!

One thing I couldn't figure out was these episodes of emotion I have been having.  While studying psychology I learned about depression, so naturally, being the dedicated student I started having symptoms. I learned first hand how real depression is and how scary it can be.  While in a depressive state, I feel out of control of my thoughts and think things I am afraid to admit. I feel helpless and I just cry and scream all at once. It can come out of nowhere and disappear just as readily.  I have found I am more prone when tired and easily calmed after resting.  A good foot massage never hurts either. I have been working on my own battle with depression every summer since I am allergic to mosquitoes and just happen to live in a beautifully infested area. I don't go outside much during the warm season yet long to sit under the stars or work in the garden that one of my animals has inevitably tinkered with. Still, I have experienced a new sort of depressed feelings as of lately and wanted to share my experience. Mind you, it is personal and sacred but I share so that hopefully it might help another.

I don't do well alone. Nights mainly, when Mr. Zookeeper has to work out of town. I turn into a pumpkin after 10:00 pm and imagine that the dog barking means someone is coming in and if he's not barking, he's been killed and now they're coming after me.  Exhausting, yes. Last week I had such an experience. I had just been to the doctor and told my liver was really struggling and needed to be addressed with all my attention. Naturally, I started feeling an ache and figured falling asleep would mean I'd never wake up again. Knowing I needed to get in a new, safe and realistic frame of mind, I turned my attention to something else and soon after was able to get some sleep.  And guess what. I didn't die. No, really, in spite of what I was convinced of the night before; everything turned out alright. My laundry pile even increased magically so all was back to normal. I might have had a few more bouts of crazy these last few days that alarmed Mr. Zookeeper.  Sometimes I think he doesn't know whether to hug or slap it out of me but regardless, he is always very patient and understanding. I am generally embarrassed when I come out of my depressed thoughts, because that's not me and I don't like feeling that way. Mr. Zookeeper quickly forgives and I am trying to learn to do the same.

The other night I had similar feelings, yet Mr. Zookeeper hadn't even left yet. In fact, my emotions ruined a perfectly good foot rub! Crying out of nowhere, I asked him to talk... about anything. He immediately complied and started listing facts about computer servers and cables... apparently confusion is a great cure for moments of emotional depression. I snapped out of it but not without causing Mr. Zookeeper to re-consider his plans for his upcoming departure.

The problem was that he had to go. He is overseeing the stone and tile installation of one of the temples being worked on by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and his visit was to deliver the final materials. I could not go along, finals were due and I was already behind so it was decided he would go alone and I would seek help when and if it was needed. I promised. I thought everything was settled until Mr. Zookeeper called the next morning and told me about his night. He had terrible nightmares of arriving on sight. He was awakened all night by a sickening feeling and drove into work confused. I checked my own pulse since I had slept great and felt fine about him leaving... until now!  He said that he just didn't feel right, but it was an eery feeling. After a few phone calls and me evaluating my emotional well-being, I assured him that I would be OK. That said, I worried about his travel or trouble really arising on site.

Mr. Zookeeper contacted his foreman who expressed similar feelings and thoughts but concluded it was the adversary trying to thwart progress. Mr. Zookeeper agreed that he had not felt comforted in the decision to come and stay be me but also he couldn't bring himself to continue the drive with such dark feelings. I believe that one of Satan's tactics in destroying families is by getting inside of a mother's head and telling her she is useless.  These are realizations that I had been working on coming to terms with but now I saw my conflict in a new light.  By encouraging feelings of doubt and fear, I was becoming a worry to my husband.  The adversary is cunning and I have no doubt that he would use anyone to fulfill his own purpose.  He does not want the work to go forward. A temple, a House of God is not good business for the evil mastermind and he will throw out every trick he can.

I had the realization come to me that through me, Satan was trying to keep the final material from arriving.  I did not know it, Mr. Zookeeper had not known it but we both felt the confirmation of its truth simultaneously. I did not recognize the person crying and wailing of doubt.  That is because it was not me, I was overcome by darkness. That same darkness sought to confuse my husband and others.  As we discovered this plot, we instantly felt renewed and Mr. Zookeeper felt he could continue. After going about my morning, I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. I wanted to cry but this time out of happiness. I felt saved, even if only temporarily by a higher power. And the best part is- I'm not crazy!

Some may not believe in the things I have said but I bear my witness to the truthfulness of the gospel and God's plan for each of us. I couldn't restrain. I called Mr. Zookeeper to share my new energy and he too felt instantly lifted. Before I was used to delay progress and now I was being used to move it forward. I gained a respect for the pioneers and people of scriptural times as they expressed feelings of joy in times of trials. My trials are not over, I am not healed and nothing is final until the building is dedicated but I feel like I am not just battling an emotion or feeling but it is a bigger fight. A war against evil which we know goodness will overcome in the end. I issued a warning of safety, I don't know what kind of power Satan has in blowing tires and found myself recalling the words of "Onward Christian Soldiers" as I not-so silently sang along.

While discussing things over with Mr. Zookeeper, I came to another realization. This time about Tiger. I have always been counseled to raise Tiger as a righteous warrior. Apparently all of that fight in him will be put to use. He is generally a ball of fire and never lacking in energy. These last few months he has been very tame. I attributed it to my illness and mercy from heaven. Today I felt that mercy explained, even if just briefly. Tiger is a special spirit and the adversary can't use him.

This made me think about all of the fellow moms out there with special children, or even just children in general as they are all special to our Heavenly Father. Dealing with special needs and the everyday chores that come with it can be tiring, even depressing. God knows these children are special but so does scratch.  The only way to get to them is through us, their mothers. By making us feel defeated and unworthy, he is attempting to steer us away from raising righteous warriors!  We cannot allow him to do that! Heavenly Father sent us our children with a purpose for them and for us. Maybe it is to teach us patience, kindness, long suffering or endurance- and maybe it is to raise them to defeat the power of darkness in the last days. My dad once proposed the question, "Is it more difficult to grow up and become a prophet or to be the mother raising him?"  I encourage us all to think outside the box when we are battling our demons as mothers.

Remember that we have strength to do what we have been called to do and that angels will accompany us. Sometimes I think those very angels are the ones I am trying to raise. When we are feeling down, defeated and overall depressed, consider where the feelings are coming from. If there are things we need to change then we should act accordingly and with all our soul. But, we should not forget that our duty as mothers and our capabilities pose a threat to the opposing side. Look to our strengths instead of weaknesses and realize the women that God has designed us to be!  We are incredible!

I learned that not everything is always as it seems. I believe that my health problems are real and not just imaginary and that ailments, symptoms and feelings will continue due to my state. Still, I don't believe that has to be the whole picture. I do not have all of the answers nor do I claim to be perfect, though I would never deny it to Mr. Zookeeper if he chooses to believe he married the perfect woman. I simply know, with all of my heart that God loves me and that He wants me to be happy. Feelings contrary do not come from him. Even when I am unsure of the reasons or outcomes of all things, I always feel comforted in knowing Heavenly Father's spirit with me.  When I do not feel that comfort, I am to recognize it for what it is and seek to dismiss it immediately.

The work of the temple is rolling forward. This experience has been amazing, frightening, enlightening and incredible all at once. I am sure many stories could be told of how righteousness prevails and the work of God cannot be stopped. Journals are filled with stories about pioneers building the kingdom. No one said you had to be pull a handcart to take part...

It's raining, it's pouring- but the man isn't snoring

Midnight. Technically it was Wednesday but we were just going to sleep in attempt to end Tuesday when Mr. Zookeeper came rushing up the stairs and announced we had a problem.

I hurried after him to find our main floor living room was being flooded.  Water was seeping through the ceiling at various points and coming heavily by way of the ceiling fan. Mr. Zookeeper, being the awesome man that he is, took control and told me what I needed to assist in.  After killing all power to the room, we began what would turn into our middle of the night date. Geez, what some couples will do to be alone!

I grabbed towels and buckets while Mr. Zookeeper reached up and grabbed at broken pieces of sheet-rock taking no prisoners.  I am a fan of waterfalls but never really planned what to do with one in my living room. I suddenly had empathy for chicken little as I held my hands over my head and ducked about the room trying to avoid getting rained on or side swiped by the falling sheets.The culprit was a pipe that came detached from the upstairs bath. It was rather miraculous that the damage stayed where it did and didn't harm any furniture, walls or fuses. Instantly we saw this untimely incident as an opportunity to put in the additional recessed lighting we'd been talking about for years. We considered the possibility of remodeling the bath plumbing to accommodate upgrades in the future and I secretly imagined the draining carrying over into the dining room where we would be forced to pull down sections of ceiling that just happened to house splats of ketchup that I haven't been able to get to lately. Hey, when one door closes...

Mr. Zookeeper decided we needed fans. I decided it would be better for him to go to the store while I stayed back and cleaned up.  First off, I had absolutely no idea what to get. Second I am a big scaredy cat and don't go outside after dark. Fortunately, he knows me well enough that I only had to admit to the first reason.

My handy dandy Rug Doctor proved useful yet again.  I worked away soaking up gallons of water from beneath my feet. Mingled with sheet rock and plaster, I had the broom swiping away to break the material from the water so as not to block my filters.  Debris was everywhere.  My handy dandy Dyson also proved his usefulness.  I was able to get most of the loose particles cleaned up by the time Mr. Zookeeper came back. Here's what I love about him. He handled the situation without a single temper flare. There were no harsh words used or imagined. He simply went to work. He re-dressed to run to our handy dandy 24 hour Wal-mart and upon returning, he brought me Del-Taco. Yes, he did.  We laid down some towels and took a taco break. We laughed a little and then I sat on the couch while Mr. Zookeeper got on his hands and knees and proceeded to use the tool attachment for maximum suction. Three hours and several gallons of water later, we turned on the fans and retired to our beds.

Note to self. In the event of a ceiling caving in; the wild animals don't awake.  However, they are very unforgiving when morning comes and you are still making up for lost sleep. Puppy wakes me exasperated that I will never believe what happened downstairs! Tiger has already decided that Dad did it. Dad took away our ceiling and if it wasn't him- then it must have been the giant crab! Monkey was quietly trying to make sense of it all and Rhino looked puzzled as if wondering, no doubt, how this was going to affect his breakfast schedule.

Mr. Zookeeper headed off to work and had the whole project handled. The next day disaster clean up came out and pointed out the remaining hidden wet spots. (FYI:  mold sets in within 48 hours so you need to get it all out right away.)  Mr. Zookeeper stripped the wood of its carpet covering and the girls and I helped haul away the remaining sheet-rock. Rhino held the door open.  Tiger was beside himself.  We took down the TV.  A friend came over a few days later and helped Mr. Zookeeper strip the floors and ceilings. By the time the insurance handler came out, Mr. Zookeeper had the room all ready to be put back together. What a guy.

That all happened one week ago.  Soon, I will have a new floor and ceiling.  There will be more light in the room and the family television screen can be returned to its proper place. All will be right with the world once more... at least as well as one can expect when living in the jungle. I find it odd that for years I have been scrubbing that carpet due to calls of nature from a certain potty training drop-out and the random spills and drills of household living.  Not once did I imagine, "Hey, I bet someday we come down at midnight, grab some tacos and rip the whole room up."  And to think, my kids had absolutely nothing to do with it!  I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one...