Autism for Life

 Turns out that my children do not flush toilets regardless of what state they reside in. In general, it is safe to assume that none of us are ever done learning and thus never quite grow up; though I do hope all can one day learn the sacred ritual of the tiny magical handle. Alas, new places bring with it new experiences.

Rhino just turned twelve. I cried for a minute, checked for gray hairs and then I went back to raising my first born. One of the challenges that we have had in relocating is the school system. Not good or bad, just a change and with that comes adjustment. On the autism spectrum, Rhino would be considered more higher-functioning, however, I would not recommend suggesting this "label" to his often tired mother. Rhino was mainstreamed according to the requirement to place children in "the least restrictive environment". Unfortunately, in my experience, a least restrictive school environment has meant more work for me. I will not relent on details but will suffice in saying that getting Rhino through each school year has been a full time occupation for his parents. This year has proved no different but we are pleased to lean on the blessings of a merciful Heavenly Father who only gives us what we can handle and sends angels to carry us when we need help to fly.

Rhino has never really shown an understanding that he has autism. We have told him but it never meant anything to him as it was beyond his comprehension. With the surprise enrollment in middle school, I felt it important to discuss with him again why he might be having hard time. We role-played what things might look and seem like to other kids versus himself. I knew that he was going to need as many tools and weapons as he could carry in that brain of his and that every day I would have to help him put on the armor to battle the world around him. I could not go to school with him (not for lack of trying, apparently there are age limits) so every morning I try to prepare him with a plan. It has not been easy and we are far from winning the war of homework but we are content with handling each battle as it comes whether it calls us to advance or retreat. With the help of a loving Heavenly Father and few select teachers, Rhino is never alone.

This morning Rhino asked me why he has a permanent hall pass and not everyone else. I referred to the day that he received detention for getting caught in a tardy sweep. In discussing his difficulty in organizing himself, the principal and resource teacher felt it appropriate that he be given a pass that allows him the extra time he needs to get to class even when it is difficult for him. I never want to lie to my children though I think there are times and places to have certain conversations and other times and places to leave it alone. I was prompted to proceed.

I explained once again that his brain thinks a little differently and things that are easy to him might be hard for someone else and vice versus. I revisited the feelings of joy and sadness that come with raising a child with special needs who often does not understand what I am teaching, regardless of the repetition and I chose my words and tone carefully. We have many conversations about why he plays with sticks instead of people and how it's hard for him to understand or communicate certain things. How, in his eyes, the whole world is good and everyone in it wonderful. Then, something happened.
"Mom, autism is something you are born with, right?"
Clinging to my own personal belief, I answered yes.
"And it's something that I'll have forever?"
I gathered my thoughts and replied, "As long as you have your body, you will have autism. It is a challenge that you have on earth because your Heavenly Father knew you had a special heart and could handle a special brain. So, even though you'll always have it- you can do whatever you want to, you will just have to work harder for some things." I studied his face and as usual inquired as to how that made him feel.

I was not prepared for the answer.

He smiled and said, "Good."
I paused. I had rehearsed many explanations for many answers but this one I had no protocol for. This was one of those 31 flavors type of situations and I didn't know which was better- two scoops or three! I sat in the silence, which for me is HUGE. I waited for him to gather his thoughts and continue.
"Having autism lets me do some really cool things that other people can't do, like making animal sounds and I don't ever want to lose that."

If I wasn't driving to school I would have grabbed him like a cobra and squeezed the guts right out of him!

I kept my hands to myself, but it did not stop me from tearing up and beaming with joy. In our house, we talk a lot about what makes us different makes us special but I didn't know anyone was actually listening. (If you you can hear me now, please flush the toilet!) This whole time I was worried that he would see himself as different and thus not as good but in his own, typically perfect way, he saw it as the complete opposite. Autism was not a bruise or a crutch, it was a super-power!

He was genuinely thrilled to know that he would have autism for life. During tough times I'll need to jump on his bandwagon."I'm glad he's enjoying it so much", she thought sarcastically. But I knew he was right. My twelve year old son reminded me to hear my own preaching and be grateful for the challenges that bless us. Autism never changed our lives, it's always been our lives and in this family- we are full of LIFE!

I wrote a song for my boys when one was newly diagnosed and the other in the process of regressing. Once again the ending has resonated with my soul:
         "Spending so much of everything to make you all that you can be, but the most important lessons here are the ones that you're teaching me"...