Put your behind in the past...

With so many ways to reconnect with old friends (and foes)it is difficult to escape your youthful days, good and bad.

Allow me today to quote a famous warthog, "put your behind in the past". If you or your family is likewise obsessed with animals and have seen this movie a million times (and cried) you may know that he is soon corrected, "to put your past behind you."

Every time I am re-acquainted with people from my past whether in person or memory, I tend to have a slide show of all my childish faults run through my brain. I am generally embarrassed and ashamed for how I sometimes treated people. I was never really bad so to speak, but I did possess a great degree of pride, boasting and self-centeredness. Now I possess a great deal of guilt. To the girl that I pushed off of the playground tire in kindergarten, whoever you are- I am sorry!

While I never intended to be cruel or mean to my friends, I did do things that I have regretted for years. I have learned since then that most of my behavior was triggered by lack of confidence and self esteem. I felt I needed to convince others that I was worth having around in order to believe it myself. These actions always come at a cost and I am said to say that I lost precious friendships over it.

I have since come to find out what I am, who I am.

Mr. Zookeeper has been an influence to me that I can never repay. In remaining silent when I was clearly fishing for a compliment, he has taught me to love who I am while always trying to be better, in spite of what others think. I am a people pleaser and sometimes this is a downfall as we spend more time trying to please the world around us that we lose ourselves. In short, over the last few years I have been handed a great big slice of humble pie; some of it has come from moving to new places, rejection, and the knowledge that the world does not evolve around me- shocking- I know, but that's OK. The world evolving around me proved to be way too much pressure!

Another piece of that pie has come from my kids. Not just the embarrassing trips to the store or restaurant but in the constant challenge to understand them, raise them and love them with all my heart. For that I have learned to lean on a much higher power. This higher power is the only one I need to please and if I can do that- everything else just falls into place.

Because I plan to live to be 99, I am not even a third into my lifetime so I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to rediscover myself now.

While I regret some of the things I have done, I would not change them because they have made me who I am. From the second grade crush to being the lady in Target who just got beat up in the toothbrush aisle by a five year old, I have been blessed to know many good people that have had patience with me.

Therefor, I cannot put the past behind me- it is a part of who I am.

We are shaped by experiences, triumphs and failures. Maybe that's why us women have more shapely figures- we tend to take things more personally. Hmmm? People who come into our lives touch us for good or bad, the trick is to make every one good by seeing that we're all shaping each other. Once I learned to love everyone in spite of how inferior I felt to them, I found it much easier to like them. Yes, even you Ms. Walmart shopper that looked at ME in disgust as Tiger streaked past you with a dirty bum.

I am not perfect, far from it. But I am trying.

So I say instead of running from the past we embrace it and be thankful for the chances we've had to make mistakes. That's what we're here for- to make mistakes and become better because of them. I know I am a better person for having seen Tiger streak through the store with a dirty bum-

I'm a visual thinker so picture with me, there you stand sideways with a big cartooned sign that reads "past" that is weighing you down. While you focus on the part weighing you down and holding you back, you miss the fact that you are still in front and have control. Sure, the past will follow you wherever you go, unless you have plastic surgery to get it removed but even then you still have the scar, but you get to decide where you will go. You are in control and you have the power to work some of that past off... and aren't we always trying to lose a little more from the behind? Now picture a propeller on the back of your cartooned past giving you more power and more push to get moving on.

(Now I'm laughing picturing us all moving about with propellers on our rear-ends!)

From this day on I will have a new walk. I will have my behind in the past but I will walk a little taller with a little more power rather than regret coming from the rear...HA! There's that visual again!