It is common practice for my family to be out and about and be the recipient of many stares, pointing, chuckling, thoughts and even comments- good and bad. We don't mind, usually, as we think it's a privilege to be invited to one's family table, even if it's only in the form of conversation.
We plan on inviting many Wal-mart employees to family birthday parties as they have become such a part of lives. I know about every five to seven weeks I am the topic of conversation when a cashier gets home, is asked how his/her day was and the answer is given in astonishment. "Well- you're not going to believe this but I met the day's quota in just one receipt. Seriously, this (remarkably cute and young-looking) woman pulled into my line and I couldn't believe what I saw! She had two carts completely full top to bottom without a space to even squeeze your finger through. One cart seemed to be completely full with hash browns and french fries. She kept assuring me that there was an end to the products but I just watched in amazement as items kept filling the table. Granted- she was pretty amazing in the way she got it all in, out and in again without skipping a beat. She had her routine down pat but man- that was a lot of potato products!"
Some on-lookers share the comments about my family, good and bad very un-candidly while others wait until they think our backs are turned... naturally a mother with kids like these has eyes in the back of her head.
So- with everyday visitors glancing in on our zoo what happens when we go on vacation?
We were asked to bring six full size chairs from Ikea to my brother who was directing a play. Most items from the said store come with assembly needed so packaging is small. The assembly needed on these chairs was screwing in the short legs... and these are not dining room or office chairs we're talking about. After two hours of tying, Mr. Zookeeper managed to have all six chairs and their boxes tied to the top of my mini-van. We obviously performed a miracle because we were the object of just about every pair of eyes that passed us on the highway. My brother states it as "so you just got a few more stares than usual"
Puppy had to go potty every ninety minutes and we stopped three times in order to fulfill the hunger needs of Rhino. Monkey hates cages and the car seat was more than her free spirit could tolerate so she allowed us to share in her frustration as she screamed for the last 90 minutes of the trip. Tiger was quite content, half naked and entertained by the never ending flow of DVD's and french fries. You know it's a rough trip when Tiger is the well behaved one. Even this is short lived though.
Standing in a room full of silence, a special prayer for a cousin is said. Mr. Zookeeper has Monkey out in the hallway so her screeching isn't heard. I've got Tiger in my arms in order to keep the peace and just when I think we're actually adding to the spirit of the moment rather than deferring it Tiger begins hitting me and shouts "No, No- not the dungeon!"
Monkey shows off her cuteness and "looks" by imitating everyone... but this is only after she forgets the pain of a third degree burn she obtains by grabbing a hold of a hot curling iron. She has no desire to maintain a schedule and insists on sleeping in beds just like everyone else. Yes, this words is plural. We were given three rooms with three beds to spread out in. Every night I'd place her in one bed and wake up to find her in another... and this is besides the multiple times she fell out of the beds with her rolling.
Puppy of course soaked in everything and enjoyed playing with every cousin that came to see her. Showing no fear in the pool she enjoyed being thrown into the water. When I first tossed her in, very mom-like, she cried and screamed that she was drowning only to find out her arms were completely extended and being held atop of the water by her little air muscles, a.k.a. floaties. After a few seconds of complete terror followed by a sense of accomplishment she then offered to teach others how to swim, encouraged them to jump in and even offered to save the lives of a few who showed resistance.
There are only a few ways to get my children to stop what they're enjoying and move on. One way is to grab them kicking and screaming while squinting your eyes and trying your best to protect yourself. The other way is promising food. We opted for the second. What better bribe- yes I said it to get your children out of a pool than to take the kids to an all you can eat pizza buffet! Puppy and monkey spent most of their time giggling at the girls table, Tiger had a few pepperoni's and then requested french fries but Rhino saw this as the opportunity of a lifetime. I did what every responsible mother would do and gave him free range. Eleven pieces of pizza, four brownies, two cinnamon rolls, two glasses of soda and a very happy boy.
This would explain why at the next opportunity of eating out I ask Rhino what he wants to eat and he shows me his menu with five entrees circled, this time he got one... it's a whole different ballgame when you pay by the meal. Puppy sat giggling some more barely able to eat because something in the air was just so funny. We laughed at her ability to laugh for so long at absolutely nothing. She couldn't eat her full meal so Rhino offered his services. Monkey proved to be almost as big of menace as her older brother. Unable to sit down, or still for that matter she had her hands in everyone's plates and water. I wore my water long before I ever got to drink it. I got to supervise the table with Tiger and Monkey, funny how that always happens, and so I became the recipient of both of their meals and condiments. At least I wasn't my sister who sat behind us. She became very surprisingly aware that Tiger has an obsession with forks and knives. It's not his fault, he did have to wait for french fries even though he requested them early on. Our kind waiter approached us asking for our choice of beverage when Tiger stood up and repeatedly said "Excuse me, Sir- I WANT FRENCH FRIES!" Upon bringing the order he was attacked again when he heard in a matter of fact tone "YOU NEED TO GET THE KETCHUP!" Needless to say we have learned to become big tippers.
While it is so much safer for the animals and the general public to just remain within our Zoo walls, occasionally we must venture out. We learn, they learn and you learn. We try our best to be prepared for anything but still find ourselves chasing down run-away animals, looking for the nearest McDonald's and apologizing to strangers who are suddenly attacked. There is never a dull moment when you are with our Zoo... so keep your eyes open... we may soon be stampeding a town near you!
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