a little disagreeing goes a long way...

All siblings fight. This is not breaking news. So why, then, are we surprised when our children don't get along every second of the day?

Since homeschooling I have seen my children become closer than they ever have. It has been a joy to watch and be a part of. That said, there is opposition in all things. The days that we have family bliss are not outnumbered by rocky situations- but sometimes the rocky situations, regardless of how big or small can quickly ruin a fun day.

We've done different things to try and keep the animals from eating each other. For the most part, they all co-habitate very well and take their turns at the watering hole, but occasionally stronger intervention is called for.

Like the time Tiger had a knife and was chasing puppy, or when Tiger was trying to show Monkey how to light a match or climb out of the two story window. Some events seem to be reoccurring. If Puppy is screaming and Monkey is nearby, it usually means she's getting her hair pulled. If she's screaming and Tiger is nearby, chances are she was just used as a punching bag. Puppy is the most influential, well behaved child and happens to fall right in between Tiger and Monkey so naturally she gets the wrong end of the stick more times than the others... sometimes literally.

Rhino is the biggest and only knows how to be good- so- if he is found in a conflict, it's usually because someone was using their free agency to make a bad choice or they took his stick... or his food. Tiger puts his claws away when we're having fun, but the second he gets tired, hungry or bored; we all know to be on our guard. It's not just the kids that reap Tiger's revenge- I've had a few black eyes myself- but we just give him extra love on those days and he is getting better. Now, he simply puts the others in headlocks instead of just shoving them into walls. We're getting there. Puppy never dishes it out but she always seems to get it. She did try to dish it out once; she should have tried her tactics on Rhino rather than Tiger- she learned the value of self defense vs. bullying... she's become an excellent tattle tail. Monkey is Tiger's apprentice. If she doesn't want to do something, doesn't like her clothes or yours for that matter- she'll just hit you for it and chew you out. Arguments aren't reserved for people. Many fights have been between one child and an inanimate object. If that door closes before Monkey is ready- it's going to get yelled at and likewise to any fork or blanket that does not meet her satisfaction. She's improving at finding inner peace but I must say I've never had a child spend so much time in the "time to think" corner... she even started putting herself there before I ever got the chance to find out what she'd done wrong- she just took care of it herself.

Finding the behavior to be foreign, Mr. Zookeeper often asks, "when was the last time you saw me hit or yell at your mom or any of you?" Then he looks at me to see if I'd taught them something in his absence. I wouldn't dare go near those kids- they'd eat me alive.

While I have some knowledge as to why some kids just feel the need to hit something- or someone- I rise to the challenge to curb all natural instincts and foster feelings of compassion. Don't get me wrong- I enjoy a good dog pile and will not let my kids be bullied. Tiger, for example, will need his fight to get him through this world that looks at him so differently. Sometimes I wish Rhino would adopt some of the no nonsense behavior so we didn't have so many tears but alas, we are who we are and we all handle things differently. Puppy has empathy so she doesn't wish to cause sadness or pain and Monkey's determination is what got her through her first days of life when she wasn't supposed to make it. We all come with the tools that we need to survive this jungle- but some we need to sharpen a little more than others.

After learning the benefits of resolving conflicts, I don't worry about the kids not getting along as much as I used you. I want them to be honest with each other, which sometimes hurts physically or emotionally and I want them to learn to be quick to forgive. The world is full of difficult people and I'd rather them experiment on each other when I'm here to intervene and teach as necessary. We don't have "Brady" moments here but there was a lot of love in the Addams' family too.

Some arguments bring me to tears; especially the ones that can't be helped due to special needs. I myself have to take a few time outs to deal with certain situations but we are all a little more patient and understanding because of our unique personalities and strengths.

Rhino has taught us to be kind and helpful; Tiger has taught us to stand up for what we believe, to be our own person and to trust our strength. Puppy shows us that love is stronger than any wound; though it might leave a scar, friends are worth the risk and Monkey reminds us that some things are worth fighting for- even if it means you suffer the consequences.

I heard once that if you got every mother from every nation together- there would be no more war. I think a lot about that. I think about how many mothers encourage peace and those who preach it but do everything to contradict it. I think about how we treat our children and how we treat each other- giving them the example to live by.

While I choose peace, I also acknowledge that some wars are necessary. We must fight to protect who we are and what we believe. This battle is not a new one- war was waged before the world was even created. The question is- are we fighting to stir up trouble or to resolve it. Speaking as a mom, the punishment is always worse for those who "started it".

My primary occupation right now is being a mother. I can't think of a more important job because I'm not just raising kids, or animals, I'm raising the future generation. We're raising the future generation and they are amazing. I hope that I can allow my children their differences while teaching them to get along with others as well. Childhood is boot-camp. The things they learn here on their home-front are the lessons they'll take with them out to the battle field and the thing that any enemy fears most is not just a well trained army but soldiers who fight with their hearts for they have more to lose.

A woman is never "just" a mother.

My children never leave me wanting for teaching moments or surprises. We are never going to get along with everyone all of the time- I'm pretty close to perfect (choke, choke) and not even I have mastered being able to like everyone. The trick is not necessarily liking them or what they do but having tolerance for each other; I am grateful for the teaching moments that present themselves simply out of human nature. Most disagreements around here are resolved quickly while others require separate spaces to just have some alone time. Some topics are understandable and allow for compromise and others, well, they just never cease to amaze me. For example:

It was lunch time. Everyone had their choice of meals in front of them and when I came back into the room after retrieving more ketchup- I found all four kids rumbling and tumbling across the table. The food had been spilled and most of the dishes were either already on the floor or making their way down. I broke up the quarrel and asked what had happened- I was, after all, only gone for a few seconds. The animals froze and in broken up- unison I got my answer, "It was my turn to say the prayer."

Yes, apparently around here we even fight over who gets to talk to Heaven...