reptiles, rainstorms and races

Sometimes being grateful is also being content. I am extremely grateful for all of my many, many blessings but too often I get caught up in every little thing that I over complicate life. I am really good at weathering the storm and running races but feel useless when the sea is calm and the race is completed.

I am a dreamer, a preparer and a fixer. There's nothing wrong with that. I love that about myself, I work well under pressure; but while I'm busy keeping the ship afloat amongst raging waves and thinking about tomorrow, I need to enjoy today and the gentle breezes as they come, even if they stay for long periods of time.

This weekend Mr. Zookeeper reminded me about the joy of a moment. We shared lots of little moments together, as a family and he even let me enjoy a few moments alone. He reminded me that I can still create, even though I can no longer create life. He encouraged me to embrace sunlight and renew my passions of the past. He helped me to re-discover who I am and I learned a few things about who I've become.

Because I am a fixer I have a hard time with things I cannot control. I cannot fix everything and some things are better as they are. I must learn to love things that may seem broken at first but are really just as they should be.

Because I like to be prepared, I often get in over my head. I have many fears and so I overcompensate with extra preparation hoping to avoid unnecessary or unwanted trials. In this, I fail to recognize that even I have limits. I focus on my own plans and tend to forget that not all things can be planned or prepared for. That's part of life. We prepare the best we can so we don't have to fear; we can just enjoy life as it comes knowing we're doing the best we can. Some things are better left a surprise and all things should be enjoyed, whether they were planned or not.

Because I dream, I spend a lot of time thinking about things that aren't realistic. When we sleep, a part of our brain shuts down to rest- this is the part that warrants reason to our thoughts, which is usually why our dreams are so off the wall... They are just random thoughts have no rhyme or reason. We should never stop dreaming of a better tomorrow but not at the expense of sleeping through today.

I love my life and am very grateful for everything and everyone in it. That said, I am convinced that we can always do better, try harder and get a little closer to perfection if we just dream, prepare and fix a few things.

One thing I have learned from the animals of the wild and the animals in my home is that patience accompanies hard work. Yes, we must work hard for what we want or need but we must also be patient for the right time and place to reveal itself. We must watch and wait but always be ready to act at a moment's notice.

Alligators are viscous killers. They attack their prey and win because they exert all of their strength toward their goal and while they use force and strength, they often win out in the ability to stand their ground for as long as it takes for their victim to give up the struggle. But even these hunters don't spend their days attacking everything that comes into sight. Instead, they lay, almost lifeless in the sun and focus all of their energy on renewing their strength. In fact, their survival depends on it.

While there are times we need to stand our ground and attack things head on, there are other times that we need to reserve our energy and just enjoy the sunlight on our face.

A lighthouse is always shining bright and tall but does not go looking for ships to rescue. Instead, she is there, steady and ready to act whenever the darkness comes.

Some storms never fully pass but the rain doesn't affect you the way it did before. One can either rock the boat and remove the shelter to increase the rain flow or use the shelter to make needed repairs and prepare for the next adventure.

I am at a new place in my life and I am not sure what to do with it at times. You work so hard training for and running a specific race that crossing the finishing line leaves you wondering what to do next. If we dwell on the last great race or that one track, we'll never notice all of the other exciting and fulfilling games there are to play. And just because we can no longer run doesn't mean we can't still compete, it just means we get to learn new skills and realize we have so much more to give than what we originally thought.

Sometimes, to be grateful means to be content.

I will always remember the struggles and victories of every great race but will try harder to be content with letting them be memories. I can look back but cannot stop running forward. I will not stop dreaming, preparing or fixing things but I will try harder to enjoy the days full of sunshine instead of always watching and preparing for the next storm.

I can embrace life while remembering the past and not knowing the future. I can learn to be content because ultimately, I am so very grateful. Sometimes we need to steer the ship and other times we need to let go and see where the breeze takes us next...