Never turn your back on a Tiger

"You a scary mom, Mom. You scare all of the people away!"... says the boy wearing nothing but tighty whities dancing on the roof of the truck out front.  He snuck up there while I raced inside to soak my shirt which Tiger randomly decided to test his marker on. There we were drawing chalk princesses and dragons on our driveway when I feel pressure from my neck to my tailbone."Ha- I write on your back!"

Tiger is a hoot. He's exhausting, but hilarious and never boring.

Let's see how the rest of yesterday went:

Wake up to my blinds being open and Tiger trying on my bra. Rescue my underwear to discover he has been up a while and decided to start cooking breakfast. His new favorite number on the microwave is 1000- which equals 10 minutes of cooking time. I save the microwave but cannot resuscitate the sausage or the Styrofoam plate it was melting. Kicked on the fan but had to turn it off to hear what Tiger was yelling.  The dvd we checked-out from the library didn't want to go into the player- so he just gave it a little shove. This is why we don't have nice things and why "borrowing" is never a good idea.

Refixed breakfast and promptly cleaned up the splatters of the now empty bottle of ketchup that was just opened the night before. I mention to Tiger that he may want to go wash his stomach, face, knees, feet and hands off.  He was not around to hear me, but apparently did.

I am still missing my ceiling so the sound of running water really travels... once you figure out what the sound is. I rush upstairs to find him swimming in my garden tub, complete with goggles. He prefers waterfalls to idle lakes and enjoyed helping the water escape onto the floor. After turning off the water, I ran to get some towels. He took advantage of my absence and replenished the drought. "Leave the water off and stop drinking the water- that's not OK!... and give me that bucket- where did you get that from?"

The water was draining and Tiger insisted on using every ounce. Rhino needed help locating his hand me down i-pod  and Tiger's naked bum needed underwear before he started streaking so I made a quick exit. Upon returning, I found Tiger climbing out of the tub- with Rhino's i-pod.

We all got dressed and headed for the van.  "Where's Tiger?"
"He's buckled in his car-seat."
"Does he have shoes on?"
"No."
I run upstairs, through the jungle and up the mountain to relocate shoes (it wouldn't be so bad if shoes didn't have to match all of the time!) Wait, those are Tiger's pants.

Redress Tiger and head across town.  Wait a few minutes in the hotel lobby and Tiger starts riding the luggage rack.  They shouldn't put fun carts with wheels in the doorway of a hotel that rents out their board room to children with sensory disorders. They are just asking for it.

We agree that kung-fu would not be a wise choice to use on the soda machine and twenty minutes later- get invited to our appointment.  Tiger finishes his picture, all the while ignoring the teacher's existence- unless he sees her prize box. He goes ahead and chooses what he wants and yells as if we're performing experimental science on him. He was already wearing his headphones (to block out disturbing sound) and then pulls his goggles out of his pocket.  Why not?

"Oh, I bet he likes the pressure around his head and the fact that they block out some surrounding sights."

"Yeah, that and he just likes goggles."

I became a human jungle gym and calmed the boy down. When I stopped spinning, (again, swivel chairs- not recommended unless spinning is encouraged) Tiger began quoting his latest movie adventure.

"I don't mean to cause offense, but maybe he would be happier somewhere else."

She was very nice about it, and no doubt looking out for his best interest... plus she mentioned they can't be too loud since they are in a hotel and Tiger only has 1 volume and it's stuck on MAX. Tiger was earning french fries and since the session was done, regardless of the fact that my paperwork was returned and I was given another option, he was ready for french fries.

He insists he wants curly fries. We are wedged in the Arby's drive-thru when he spots McDonald's next door. We order curly fries and then get chicken nuggets and fries from the neighbor. Thank goodness for drive-thru's and credit card machines.

We return home- I am tired and it's only 1:00 in the afternoon.

Tiger is watching Tv so I sit down and get some work done... after I talk to the psychologist about his recent test scores and stubbornness.

"Mom, where's Tiger?" Puppy is always looking out for everyone.

"He was upstairs, is he not anymore?"

"I can't find him."

I look all over. Puppy looks all over. Rhino checks the seat next to him and concludes he's not there.

"TIGER!  Where are you?"

He is no where to be found and panic sets in. I am optimist who can quickly imagine the worse things coming true. "Mom, I'll call you right back. TIGER!"

He couldn't have gone outside, I was sitting right there by the door.

I walk out to find Puppy jumping. "Puppy, did you find Tiger?"

She gestures toward the sky.

There sits Tiger on top of the camp trailer in nothing but his underwear, just chilling. "Hi Mom!"

I challenge my fear of heights and pull him down... for the hundredth time this year. It would be easier if the boards placed strategically to block the ladder in attempt to keep Tigers from climbing weren't in my way.

"Tiger, what am I going to do with you?"

With a straight face and in all seriousness, "Get me a snack."

So doctor, like I was saying, I just can't figure out why I am so tired all of the time...