Running for my Life

I love going for walks whether it's down the street or up a (not too steep) mountain. I would walk everywhere if time permitted, the weather was always perfect and it never got dark. I do not like the dark or noises or zombies.

I do not like to run. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my legs hurt, my skin itches or I have an exaggerated fear of blowing out a knee. However, if a zombie was ever to approach, I would enjoy running very much.

I have nothing against runners. Marathons are awesome. I think it's great that they do what they love and I can just sit in one spot holding a sign and they come to me. I just don't thrive on it at this point in my life. I'm not a terrible runner. I can chase down my Tiger with little difficulty and always excelled at fast sprints in school... hmmm.... I'm thinking that may have been in preparation for my mothering duties...

I like to stay in shape because I never know when I will be called on active duty. I'm not in the military or anything but when you are surrounded by a Rhino, Tiger, Puppy and Monkey- it's a good idea to stay alert and on your feet. Mostly, I like to close the blinds, turn up the radio and just call upon the Gods of chaos with my insane dance moves that I borrowed from some natives who may have been attempting to put a fire out rather than dance. Sometimes Mr. Zookeeper gets ambitious and we lift a few weights or we move all of our furniture to see what gems have been spit out and left for us.

Sometimes I do run just because. A month ago I ran all of the way to meet my husband at an all you can eat buffet... It counts.

Well, this morning I was feeling a bit restless, the weather was nice and I just got some new sweat pants so I thought I'd go for a run/jog/walk/drag/rest/repeat. I have been trying not to think too much so I knew I needed some music to keep me from talking to myself (though all you people on bluetooths make it a lot easier for me to blend in). I don't have headphones or one of those cool thingamajig's that wrap around your arm so I just put my phone and keys into a clean sock and headed out the door.

I was on a roll for an entire minute and then I could feel the breath picking up and the legs slowing... it' s all good- I meant to do that. I was moving for the whole 41 minutes (I stopped to take pictures of the geese) and realized I only had two songs on my phone so I made up my own choreography as I pranced along. I was mostly alone, aside from traffic passing by being all jealous that they didn't have my moves, but occasionally another runner/walker would come by. In my usual freak out fashion, I intently studied each perpetrator who came my way so as to measure what level of fear to possess. I purposely exchanged eye contact with each one to let them know I would have no trouble picking them out in a line up. Some offered very little danger as they appeared to be pushing strollers (though I have seen the FBI pull that stunt). Others initiated high alerts as they threatened my bubble in large numbers but gradually decreased as their big sun bonnets and orthopedic shoes came clearer in view.

There was proper stretching and a cool down. My running friends would have been so proud. I only tripped once and can add one more honk to my history of awkward moments. I'm a multi-tasker so I never just run. As I was moving about being careful to stretch my arms and work every body part (and occasionally spinning in circles so as to make sure no one was sneaking up on me) I was envisioning what I would say if someone questioned my sanity or offered bee repellent. With my phone and key filled sock raised to my ear, I settled on, "Just doing the routine mapped out for me by my personal trainer..." Then I would dash off so as not to have to offer up any more details.

I survived the run with little incident. No dark, noises or zombies. Nobody tried to beat me up and drag me to the YMCA and my appearance at the upcoming Olympics never came up. Yes. After reviewing the adventure, I think it's safe to say that the scariest thing about the lone run was probably me...