Kryptonite

We all have our kryptonites. One of mine is my body.

I am not talking about stretch marks, wrinkles or mid section food storage. While those things do annoy from time to time, there are other issues that I cannot cure by avoiding the mirror. I have the symptoms and daily reminders of multiple sclerosis, diabetes and neuropathy. I have undergone every test to confirm the doctors' diagnosis but have always received passing marks. Apparently, I am as healthy as a mother of four can be. Nonetheless, to a lesser extent I must still follow the lifestyles of the said disorders, diagnosis or not. On one hand, this is very frustrating. When I'm down I seek validation and a reason to feel so terrible and helpless. On the other hand, I am grateful to not have as many struggles as those fully diagnosed and insurances can't deny or raise your rates without a proper diagnosis. Spending over $5000 two years ago to find out why my hands and feet were numb along with bad eyesight and crippling headaches left me disheartened when the doctors were just as puzzled as I was.

It took me a little while to accept this as a blessing. The doctors confirmed what I had suspected but since there was no finale; I was able to gain the knowledge I needed to care for myself without being tied to doctors, diagnosis' or drugs.

I have since figured out what works for my body and what it takes to feel at optimum operating levels. Alas, some days this is easier than others. It's to bed at a certain time (yeah right), up at a certain time (yeah right), eat a specific food (which does not include whatever is easy to feed the kids) at the designated time (is anyone else sensing a theme here?) and perform specific exercises while not under or over doing it (I'm lucky to potty alone!) . This is fine when all I have to care for is myself but let's face it; that is not always a luxury that moms have. And, sometimes, I am my worst enemy. I get a little energy, feel good and end up taking on too much trying to save the world at my own expense.

My kryptonite cripples me. I can't stand, I can't sit and laying down makes it worse so self designated nap times have no benefit. Some days I walk around on crutches to keep from collapsing. I wear an eye patch to not only play pirates but to give my eyes rest and I have to refrain from all sugar (which for this ice cream loving mom is no easy task).

It is hard. Many times I wonder why I can't just be healthy enough to take care of my kids and I am reminded that I matter too. I am very in tune with my body and know when I've done too much (listening is a different story). I know that if my body wasn't calling out to me it would be too tempting to ignore it altogether. I can't spend too many days down because my wild animals are only so forgiving. The first day I can explain that mommy needs help but by the second I must return to high alert and be ready to sprint and/or tackle at any moment Tiger decides to bail.

It's easy to feel sorry for oneself. After all, I have already given up many things for my unique family dynamics. They have all worked out for the best but it has come with sacrifice. Then I am reminded that every one is fighting a battle and that most of the work that gets done in this world is done by people who don't feel very good. The question should not be "Why me", but "What now?" (Press On, Joseph B. Wirthlin) I received strength when I have needed it and I have been reminded that I have weaknesses that can only be strengthened by testimony in a higher power.

No one is immune to pain, suffering and grief. No one is happy all of the time and regardless of how Super we are- we all have our kryptonite.

Indeed, we are all human. We must all know the bad to recognize the good and we must all overcome trials. I know that my body is imperfect but that does not limit the things my Spirit can do. Whenever I'm reminded of my weaknesses and I find it hard to run, I beg my Spirit to convince my body that I must carry on, even if it's only one small step at a time...