shelter in the herd

In case it wasn't obvious, National Geographic is a favorite around our home. My children are not the only members intrigued by the knowledge that is offered regarding various animals around the world. In addition to the adult-geared literature there are also numerous resources geared specifically for kids. With my simple mind I tend to find enjoyment in these as well (one of our favorites is "Zoboomafoo with the Kratt brothers").

While I share the kids fascination with the stealth, power, size and colors of these curious creatures; I also find myself learning from their ways of survival. No, you won't find me out on the plains of Africa grazing by the waterhole (unless I'm in a very safe, tall vehicle with lots of protection... I am a decedent of a species known as scaredy cats) but it is interesting to see how these animals live and survive... or don't. Yes- I cried watching The Lion King!

Some animals are more popular than others and some facts well known. The Zebra, for example, is a very distinctly colored four legged herbivore that is very easily recognized by his pattern of stripes. Though it is hard for us to see, every zebra has his own unique look that is probably recognized by other zebras, specifically family members. They can travel in herds of ten to hundreds yet families usually stick together. If you've ever seen any wildlife movie, adult or children version you'd know that Zebra's are always on the look out for lions and other predators. There are numerous eyes always on the watch as they go about their daily chores of nourishment. Naturally, when a predator is spotted,one sounds the alarm and they all retreat. What amazed me though was the next part. The group does what they can to avoid danger but should a member of the herd fall prey, the other zebra's do not abandon him. Rather, they rally together, encircle to surround the hurt and fight off the enemy. No horns, no armor. Strength in numbers, unity and determination is their only defense. I could never see another picture of a zebra without having admiration for such a common place and generally non-respected creature.

Cheetahs have always fascinated me. The gracefulness in which they run on top of their speed takes your breath away. Long legs, slim body, gorgeous coat and an air of royalty; what's not to envy? So what is humbling about a creature that seems to have it all? Nothing until you learn the power behind her strength. Yes, cheetahs can run very fast- they are the fastest land animal going from 0-60 miles per hour in 3 seconds! (while I've never clocked it I do argue that I have come very close to this record when Tiger has made a sudden run for it) Impressive! but that's not all- there is more to her speed than just speed itself. Before taking off, she studies her goal, or target and sets her eyes on what she wants. She waits patiently for the precise moment and using everything she has sets out for her mark. While she is fast, the element of surprise is usually over within a minute and so she has a short time to knock down her target and get it to refuge before another opportunist hunter steals her glory... and she usually does all of this with 2-3 cubs in her care... I know she keeps getting better! How does one prepare for such an adventure? I thought she must be blessed with good genes that allow her to keep up her good figure, lifestyle and stamina but was pleasantly wrong. In complete contrast to my believing, cheetahs are only fast when their next meal depends on it. When she is not hunting, the cheetah moves very slow with extended movements in order to preserve her energy. Even the fastest land animal on earth has to take a break- who knew?

Like the Cheetah, mothers all over the globe (with some exceptions) are nurturers for their children and for most species, they do what it takes to provide every needful thing. Elephants, for example take on a very big commitment carrying their young in the womb for 22 months! (and I thought 9 months was a long time to wait...) What's more- they are born 3 ft tall weighing about 200 lbs... and some come out as siblings!

While I do not envy the elephant in her pregnancies, it is easy to long for her childhood. Female elephants travel together and when one has a baby, they all become mothers. They are not the only ones that practice this though. Many animals that travel in herds or groups share the mothering load. I have experienced this in times of need. Sometimes, against my will, I have had people show up on my doorstep ready to offer help in every way to ease my burden. What a humbling experience.

I used to pride myself on being independent and not needing help. I found strength in myself and when I couldn't humble myself to my knees, my legs were taken out from underneath me. Not as literal as it sounds, I still have usage of all of my limbs but I don't take it for granted anymore. Spending every pregnancy and this past year on some level of humility has taught me that not only can I not do it alone- I don't have to.

Due to a few medical problems and divine personal revelation, my husband and I came to the realization that it would not be wise to give birth to more children. Not because of the end product (we LOVE our wild animals regardless of how they come out)but because my body could not handle it anymore. This is not my first choice as I had always hoped of having a large zoo with wild animals all around me but life does not always turn out how we envisioned. I am blessed with 4 beautiful children and cannot imagine the pain that those with none or fewer (against their will) must feel. Still, it's hard for me to accept sometimes. While I struggle everyday, especially when new babies are born, I'm reminded of the purpose that we all have and how we were created by an all-knowing Heavenly Father who has a specific plan for all of us- a specific plan for me. I enjoy getting strength from many authors of all types and have turned the pages of "No One Can Take Your Place" by Sheri Dew many times. In only a few minutes with a paragraph or two I am reminded who I am and the power I possess as a daughter of God.

Unexpected health issues have led me to find emotions I didn't know I was capable of having. I have been brought to the depths of all humility and on the verge of depression... not because of life itself but because of my limited understanding. It was time to take care of myself, develop and grow my own person and I didn't know how to do that anymore. I never gave up showering or completely neglected taking care of my appearance but with my children's needs being great, I had abandoned all thoughts of myself and tended to them. Little things didn't matter when compared to the job that they needed me to do. For seven years I was their mom morning noon and night. Aside from the help we received in school I did all of their therapy myself and held down the fort while hubby attended school. I don't regret a minute of it! I was happy and loved serving my kids to the fullest extent. But now, things were different. While learning never ceases; I had done all that I could do for them at this time. We overcame battles and obstacles that would have never been won had I not given it my whole self but that season is now ended, even if but for a little time and I must move on letting them take what I've helped to give them and test their wings for a while and in the meantime taking a few flights on my own... but how when this was the only life I had known for so long and it made me so happy.

In the wild, when cubs are done needing their mothers they are pushed on... sometimes chased off and moms move on as well. As humans, most of us anyway, we care for our young even when their old (all of you moms who let their grown children move back home or have middle of the night phone calls are nodding your heads right now:). I was prepared to do this forever and then something happened. They learned the things I had been trying so hard to teach them! Suddenly- all of our lives changed and our purposes as well. My oldest is only 8 so we still have plenty of these life changing experiences to come but this one caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared to switch gears. Big or little, old or young every experience and what you do with it matters.

So, after sharing my secrets with you, I feel like at 29 I'm trying to find myself all over again. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father that knows us and pushes us out of our comfort zones. For I am now in a new season of my life; a season for learning and discovery. A new experience, a new adventure.

New purpose is always hard to accept. Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught that the adversary is very good and sometimes uses our strengths against us. I was allowing myself to believe that because I was not spending every minute taking care of someone else, I was not a good person. I had guilt every time I attempted to give attention towards myself. It's no wonder... I had spent so much time with my own kids and was blessed to know how to teach them. The adversary would hate for me to take that to other mothers! In slow time I learned that by developing myself I was helping my kids. We provide strengths in different degrees in different times of our lives. I know that by refilling my well today I will be able to quench not only my own thirst but of those around me- including my children who do not need as much of my time- but will never cease to need me (because let's face it- judging my children's habits... they will NEED me for a very long time!) it's just a different need than what I've grown used to.

I still battle degrading thoughts as I venture through re-discovery (especially when the body isn't what it was ten years ago and before the kids). I spend many hours using all of the energy I can muster to crush the head of the adversary who tries to make me feel worthless. Silent prayers fill my days as I combat watered eyes to find strength in spirit as well as body. Some days I pray to have even the simple strength to care for my kids as I strive to give my body the things it needs at this time until the doctors can help me find the source of my physical weakness that is causing me so much discomfort. Most days I have like prey struggling for survival. Thanks to my zoo I managed to maintain sanity as they never fell short of love and kept me laughing and busy, even when it wasn't asked for or appreciated at the time. While harder than I'd like, all of these things will in fact be but for a short time and have been for my own good as they have helped me to realize that no one is perfect.

No ONE is perfect for to even come close we must call on our Father for help and even then we fall short. And that's not a bad thing, contrary to my previous belief it is not a weakness either. We all have our good moments and we all hope that people visit us while we're on our best behavior and can put us in the running for best in show... but no one is exempt from needing the mercy of God. We all need the power of the atonement, I need the power of the atonement and I need a Savior too.

It is so easy to see only the greatness in others and faults in ourselves or the other way around. Comparison is a dangerous habit and it only leads to despair. Just as the beautiful animals of my zoo, we too are all created for specific purposes and design.

A cheetah does not run fast to receive heralds of praise and recognition but for survival, and it's how she's built and the only thing she knows. This is the case with all animals. They live on instinct and survival. We are blessed to not only have human instinct but to know how to overcome the bad habits and strengthen the good.

While we each have our preferences, no one can say that one creature is more talented or beautiful than another. Each is good at what they do but as people, as women we can do what we're born to do and so much more! We are the Lord's defense in so many ways. We can take lessons from each other, rather than criticize; help and strengthen rather than try to do it all alone. These are not new ideas, I know. They are the same that I have been taught since childhood and have been preached for centuries... but they are new to me in the sense that I am learning for the first time what they really mean to me and my life.

Once extremely judgmental, it was easier for me to find the faults of others to make me feel less imperfect (yes- it's true, contrary to popular belief I am not perfect- though I won't argue with anyone who insists to think of me that way:). What a shame for I wasted so many good learning opportunities and friendships. Mr. Zookeeper has taught me that when you humble yourself, you can learn something from everyone and are a much better person for it. I have appreciated this example and have tried to remember "judge not lest ye be judged". This has become increasingly beneficial as my own personal windows have been thrown wide open for all to see and no blinds to close when it got to where I didn't want anyone looking in... we don't always get what we want... but if we're fortunate we get what we need! I am grateful for those experiences- even though they are hard to accept at times.

As I mentioned, I was close to depression- not fully immersed. With the grace of God I was able to acknowledge my faults and am working to get through them rather than dwell in them. In drawing closer to my maker I am realizing talents that I never knew I had. I am finding purpose that I never imagined.

Animals have patterns as identity and camouflage. It would be boring if they were all striped or spotted, not to mention confusing. They have their own look and talents based on what they need. A bird may like the hair of a lioness as she runs through the grasslands but would not trade her wings that enable her to fly. Like many fables teach, we can take lessons from what we're given as individuals and use them to our advantage or spend useless time dreaming of what others can do. In all of my searches I have never found an animal that has stripes, spots, a long trunk and imposable thumbs, can swim, fly and run fast. Why should we as woman be any different? We were not meant to have or do it all and even though some put on a good show; nobody can. Elizabeth Bennett states "I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold." we don't need to be THE best, just OUR best.

So whether we are striped, spotted or plain we are all beautiful! We are designed for what we are meant to do and we are here when we are meant to do it. While we are responsible to take care of ourselves, our lives are enriched so much more when we belong to a herd, whether family or friends, ten or thousands we can find strength in a herd as we stand guard, protect, nurture, help teach and learn from each other. When we do this with charity, the pure love of Christ we don't just find safety or shelter in the herd; we find joy and peace. We find our true King who then helps us find ourselves!...