GRRRRReaT BIrThdAy TigER!

I was so excited to see you but you were much more excited to see me- you just couldn't wait to get here! Four months into pregnancy I began what would become a lifetime of watching out for you. I couldn't see your face but I quickly learned your personality and you were running, jumping and screaming long before you were born. You caused so many reasons for alarm that we all watched you very closely.

Fitting to your personality, you decided to get me up in the middle of the night to check on you. Of course you let me know you were ready by creating a puddle of water all over the floor (I should have seen the signs then and bought a house with no tubs or faucets but alas we all live and learn). We arrived at the hospital bright and really early and all was well. I was dilated to an eight without any numbing and when asked if I could feel the contractions I simply replied, "yes, but they are nothing compared to how I'd been feeling for the last six months!" You decided to find a nice cushy spot on one of my nerves and made it so I couldn't walk without crutches and eventually ended up in a wheelchair... we now joke that you were giving me one last chance to sit down and wanted me to enjoy it while I could.

I accepted the epidural and before it could kick in you decided to make a stir. One minute I was laying there eating ice chips and then monitors starting going off, doctors and nurses starting rushing everywhere- your dad was pushed out of the way and I was flipped over onto my stomach and rushed out of the room. The only words I heard, "we lost the baby" struck my core and I began to cry but before the first tear could fall I had a calm come over me and I knew that no matter what happened to you or me- we were both going to be OK. The doctor told me we were doing an emergency c-section and there was no time to numb me, I panicked with fear and pleaded with the doctor that I didn't want to feel anything. He assured me he would do the best he could and immediately started bringing you into this world. I experienced pain that I'd never felt before, but once I knew you were OK, nothing else seemed to matter and I was blessed by a higher power to be removed from the experience. Doctors rushed to our care and with the help of superior knowledge, modern medicine, technology and the love of our Heavenly Father- both of our lives were spared.

You had a few issues but nothing you couldn't handle, as always you gave me strength I didn't even know I had and together we made it home. For months we worked endlessly to heal both of our bodies and then I nearly lost you again. You started to leave me and I couldn't bare to watch you slip away. So full of life and wonder and yet you couldn't seem to function in our world anymore. You regressed to lying on your bed twirling the yarns of your blanket. My little boy was still in there but he had lost his ability to share it. Luckily the training I had with your brother gave me a head start and we began treating your autism before the doctors could even get you an appointment. You were slow coming back to me but you were a fighter- in more ways than one. I never doubted your strength and you never lost your ability to hold my heart even when you couldn't bring yourself to stay in my world.

We've been through a lot together you and I. We have had irreplaceable losses and immeasurable gains. Together we ran, regardless of where we were or what time it was, watched endless hours of Thomas the Train, learned sign language (until you excelled again and decided I wasn't so bad to talk to), we dodged multiple trucks heading straight toward you- although I will admit you always handle that much better than I do. We've been through many therapists but always found you and I made the best team. We've learned every way to cook a hash brown, where the best places were to get french fries (and which streets to avoid because once you saw the arch it was over)and that modern day miracles still happen. You only tell the truth, which sometimes hurts more than the hit to the nose, but you never miss an opportunity to live life to the fullest by wanting to enjoy every minute... even if that means not sleeping for 48 hours straight.

You have taught me so much about a lot of things but mostly about myself. I am a better person because of you and anyone who meets you is better because of it. I never knew I could run so fast but you keep reminding me. I never realized it before you but I can take a hit, several at one time with feet and teeth involved- but yes, I can take it like a pro. Messes are nothing compared to your smile and I'm even getting more calm when I walk in to find you holding a butcher knife and playing with matches (but I won't be sad if I never walk in on that again.. so you have my permission to stop anytime you see fit). I have treasured all of our memories (even the ones that completely freak me out)and you always find ways to make me smile and forget the troubles of my world as I spend a little time in yours. I didn't like entering your room to see you trying to escape out the window of the second story and my heart skips many beats when I can't locate exactly where you are- never leave me. I need you. I have so much more to learn from you.

You have the determination and power of a leader. You indeed march to own your beat. Who else could wear goggles, pj's and a pink tutu, dance like a nutcracker yet still make a grown man cry with one punch before the song is over. You enjoy life to the fullest and never take for granted the simple things that most of us don't have time for. You could spin and swing for hours and little did I know that I could too. You can outrun anyone, although I thank you for occasionally slowing down for me and you show that six pounds of ketchup a week is still not enough for a growing boy with needs.

You are seven today and my what a seven years it has been. Lucky seven has nothing on you! Some people might say that we've lost the boy we thought we had or missed out on things because of the special life you live and well they are right, but not for the reasons they assume. You are not the boy we once thought we had- you are stronger and we did miss out on things but that's only because we've been spending our time doing things that are better; things we would never know if you hadn't chosen us. In spite of all your curiosities and near death experiences, you bring heaven into our home with the angels that surround you. You make me a better person by helping me leave a "normal" world behind and strive for a much higher one. You are a leader among men, you stand out and I hope you will always have the fight within you to stand up for what you believe. You have a special mission here in this life and I am blessed to be a part of it. Thank you for letting me be your mama bear and for always encouraging me to step up, be better and do more. You may be a tiger with one heck of a bite but you will always be my little cub.

I love you Buggy and Happy Birthday!