feeding and fishing

A wise parable offers a promise: if you give a boy a hashbrown, you feed him for an hour but if you teach him how to cook a hashbrown, you feed him until the package runs out or the microwave explodes.

Okay, perhaps I tweaked the fine saying just a bit to match my own experiences but nonetheless, teaching pays off. We love to hold our babies and cuddle them but are eager to watch them stand on wobbling limbs and walk towards us. Changing the cutie patootie bum of a newborn is nothing compared to purchasing heavy machinery to clean the battlefield where an un-named resistant potty goer chose to squat and rub his not so cute bum all over the floor. So, we look forward to our children learning and becoming more independent (and eventually moving out), even though it sometimes kills us to watch them grow up! Talk about hypocritical! But isn't our ultimate goal to raise adults?

It's a good thing we have no control over time or some of us would have a hold on that remote and just keep rewinding to the good parts and fast forwarding through the less desirable ones. My children do this, much to my dismay. I once found out that the five hour long movie I thought they were watching was actually a fifteen minute cartoon that they kept rewinding. I limited their movie time so now instead of wasting precious moments, they all fight over the remote and choose the parts they like best watching them over and over again until time is expired.

It is amazing to watch children learn and grow. It is likewise fun to also watch adults, ourselves, parrots and pigs learn new tricks but I'm talking about motherhood here so stay with me. This is one reason why I spend countless attempts at getting my children to do things in spite of the boycotts and walk-outs. But that's just my point! The wise parable gets us all geared up to teach our children how to fish and feed themselves for a lifetime but makes no attempt to warn us that we might nearly drown before they do. As a novel teacher, leisurely fisher and mother with young children, I imagine the disclaimer would read something like this:

Beware of those attempting to fish with small or stubborn children, they will resist the floaties but will still jump ship causing you to plunge into the cold waters after them, even if you are wearing your only clean shirt. You will begin to teach and they may not listen at first, don't worry, they'll realize you were talking to them by the 100th time. Watch out for flying hooks, they come out of no where. The net will get tangled, often and you may occasionally spend so long getting your gear ready that you miss the fish altogether. Lines will get crossed, shoes will get muddy and someone is bound to have to go to the bathroom as soon as you cast out. There will be days that you will go hungry so your child can eat the only fish your day's efforts brought in and though you may take a night off to go out with your spouse you'll cringe only to find you've been harboring fish guts in your hair. You will spend countless nights asleep (and probably drooling) aboard the ship because you're too tired to get to your bed and even though you hate the smell of fish, you'll wake up and do it all again tomorrow!

And we do! This work exhausts us but no matter how we object, we love it! I love it! I have to- do- lists that multiply while I'm busy crossing off item number one. I have children that take longer to learn things and challenge every philosophy ever written in what to expect books. I have battled schools and slayed dragons only to find there are more flying overhead daily, dragons, not schools. I get nervous in public restrooms because I have to shut the door and out of habit I've learned to get in quick while listening to all the sounds going through the home without my supervision. I have neighbors stop by to tell me Spiderman is climbing on top of the camp trailer and must call my husband from the street to shut the blinds to block the naked boy from admiring his reflection. I never put my vacuum away and keep two handy at all times. I have learned efficient ways to put out fires, literally and I know what it means to really work graveyard as I'm on call nurturing the lively nocturnal though I feel like I'm walking with the dead. I have failed over and over again and have cried more times than I'll ever own up to. And my oldest is only ten!

Still, I don't dwell on the near death climb because the view is so worth it.

Every smile boosts my spirit's and every hug refills my energy tank. I don't have to cross off every chore if I spread them out amongst the family and accept their sincere but inexperienced help. I get to participate in my children's learning and be the first to congratulate their successes. I have learned to train my dragons when killing them doesn't work and I don't have to clean the public bathrooms so that's already a bonus. I have a fearless boy who can climb ladders regardless of how we might try to stop him and he believes he can be anything he wants if he just has the right costume. I actually use my fire alarms and extinguishers so it's not a waste of batteries or time to change them and I have been blessed to be able to comfort my babes regardless of the hour. I have succeeded over and over again and I never cry alone because I always have a shoulder to cry on... and my oldest is only ten!

It seems that some days it might be easier to just buy an insurance policy on fish rather than attempt to teach. But then, after hours of just waiting, you see your child's excitement as their line pulls straight. Fear and excitement are mingled as he struggles to reel it in. You stand close by but know he can do it so you trudge into the shallow water to catch the slimy creature as soon as it shows its face. You're both screaming and nearby fishers can't help but watch your achievement. Smiles are so big that your jaw is starting to cramp but you can't stop. Your facebook status is quickly updated and numerous friends begin liking it while demanding pictures. You grab the camera and forever remember every detail of the monumental moment. It took a long time to get there but he did it! You both did it!

That's how I feel when I'm scraping the grease of an uncovered hashbrown out of the microwave. Sometimes it's he/she did IT and other times HE/SHE did it but either way- we DID it!

“If you give a man a fish, you've fed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you've fed him for a lifetime.” I stand by my disclaimer that it will take hard work, really hard work but then if I might be so bold to add my own words of wisdom- as if anyone could stop me - I envision the fine print to read, And yes, it's so worth it!