Light it Up 'Zoo'-

With April coming up, Autism Awareness is everywhere. "Light it up Blue" is a tradition of bringing about such awareness. April 2nd is the official Autism Awareness Day and all are encouraged to wear blue, replace light bulbs to blue and send blue balloons upward through the sky- so if the 2nd comes around and you find yourself surrounded by smurfs- don't worry, just know we're pleading for you to become more aware.

Statistics have just been changed indicating that there are now 1:88 children diagnosed with autism. Utah has the highest percentage. (www.cdc.gov) I wondered where the number came from; because unless the CDC has been reading my blog, no one asked me how many children with autism I have in my home. I learned that the number is taken from those receiving services. So, I wonder then just how accurate the findings are? I am thrilled that so many children are getting services but my family qualifies for none thus I wonder how many more families are out there like mine. Regardless, it is interesting to see the numbers increasing.

When people find out I have a child with autism I usually get a shocked grin, when they find out I have two I get raised to sainthood. The fact is, I also have two children that do not have autism. Sure, my boys make life different but so do my girls. I don't have a diagnosis and I'm pretty sure I bewildered my mother from time to time (sorry about that , mom- I know better now!). I do not want to belittle the work it takes to raise a child with special needs, because believe me! I know it takes a lot of work keeping up with rhinos and tigers but my puppy and monkey mean just as much to me and I have to work just as hard for them- it's just different work.

I am not a saint, I am a mother.

I'd like to answer here a few questions that I am constantly answering in private intimate settings as well as in the line at the grocery store (because what better time to explain than while my child is having a meltdown). I am always happy to answer questions because the more people know, the less they fear. Forgive my breakdown, I just feel it'll be easier to follow. Also, be forewarned: This is MY opinion, My experience and My feeling. I do not speak on behalf of anyone else and because it is my life, it involves my heart.

1. "Wow, you have 2 kids with autism! What do you think caused it?" I do not know the answer to this question, maybe I hiccuped during pregnancy at the exact same time with both boys. However, I do know what did not cause it. Rhino was immunized on schedule. After finding he had autism, we did not immediately immunize Tiger. Rhino was slow from the beginning. He had repetitive speech and did some amazing things with a wooden spoon but was never peer level. Tiger however regressed at 20 months and lost all of what little speech he had. He went from ransacking my cupboards to twirling the yarns on his blanket. He was not immunized and had a more severe form of autism. I know others who have reason to believe that the MMR was linked to their child getting autism; I do not have such reasons. I don't think anything really caused my sons to have autism. I believe it is something they have to work through just like we all have things to work through. Some say it's the environment, genes and/or a combination of things, rightfully so. But, how are we to know if these things caused an uproar in diagnosis or if they were not a part of a bigger plan. The creator of this world also created us. He knows all. I don't believe these children are randomly selected by circumstance. Rather, I believe they are a part of God's plan and he has a purpose for them. Now whether the environment and other triggers play a part of that seems to me like a question of the chicken or the egg. This disorder alters life so much I can't help but consider that there's more about it than we'll ever know in this life.

2. "Doesn't it make you so sad?" Not at all. I did not do everything my mother dreamed I would do and I certainly gave her a fair share of worry. My boys are who they are and I wouldn't change that. My job is to help them become the best they can- not what I want them to one day be. My sons cannot lie. My sons do not know they're different; they are pure and innocent. My sons have angels that accompany them- how can that make me sad? What makes me sad is that they do not always fit in or belong. It makes me sad when someone can't be bothered to see the real boy inside or can't slow down long enough to help out. It is work, no doubt and everyone can use help from time to time. My boys don't make me sad, but sometimes the world does.

3. "Why do you think you have 2 boys with autism?" Because I am lucky! I know that I was prepared before this life to raise my children. My LDS faith has taught me that we existed before we came to earth and our spirits will live on after we leave. I trust this with all my heart! I do not believe that my boys are punished nor am I, I believe that we all have missions on this earth and I am blessed to get to be a part of their special missions. The lord makes me strong and qualifies those he calls. I have been called to raise these two special spirits and their sisters have come to help. I do not believe that my family is an accident. I have seen the blessings that have come from having such special experiences in my home and I am fortunate to be worthy of such a call.

4. "Why do you think there are so many more children with autism now?" Again, my faith tells me that there is a bigger picture than what we can see. Why not now? We live in the fulness of times where technology, medication, education and therapies are at their best. Diagnosing plays a big role but what about treatment? Fifteen, twenty years ago mothers did not have half the resources that we do now. (As a side note, my children would have never survived in previous centuries prior to ketchup being invented.) If Heavenly Father has a plan for each of His children, why wouldn't we be given the tools to see it through? Furthermore, I believe these children with autism (as well as many other people with or without disabilities) have special spirits. We have been reserved to come to earth at this time and so have they. Not only can we help them but they can help us. I cannot get caught up in worldly things because my children remind me what's important. I have learned compassion, long suffering, talents I never knew I had and joy beyond comprehension! I am glad Heavenly Father chose to send us these special angels now and that I get to hug two of them everyday.

5. "What do you think is the cure?" I'm not looking for a cure; my children are not sick or broken. Many people have written marvelous books and articles about this subject and their children; I cannot do them all justice. I have written my own articles and posted them on my blog but here I just want to be honest and frank. The best success my family has had has come from love. Love conquers all. When I remember that I am capable of what the lord has given me; I can move mountains. I cannot express in words the miracles I have seen happen on sometimes a daily basis. My children are amazing! They are capable of so much and when I get in their zone- I realize that I am the one missing out, not them. When I first learned that April 2nd was Autism Awareness Day I chuckled at how close it was to April Fool's Day. I mean this seriously, my children are always fooling me by proving statistics and doubts as false. They can do anything they set their mind to. I'm not hoping for a cure or a better way to diagnose in the womb. In fact, that scares me. What I am waiting for is a chance. The chance for every child regardless of their differences to live a full and happy life. This comes through awareness, education and brilliant people using their talents to help others.

I could go on for hours (and apologize to those who have been forced to listen to me- even those in the grocery store) but will end here. I guess my main plea for Autism Awareness this month is to stop and slow down. Maybe instead of feeling sorry for me or my children (or families like us) you take the time to get to know us. I started this blog for that very reason. I want my children to know how much I love them, why we have no pictures of anything and how much they cost me in ketchup but I want others to see that we are a family. We have our strange quarks, we play with balls in the house and dumping rice is part of our daily lives but we love it. We love who we are and everyone that makes us a Zoo. And who doesn't love a Zoo?

So change a light bulb, wear a shirt or watch a balloon soar but don't just see the world light up with blue this next month; see it light up with joy as we recognize these special people that we get the opportunity to associate with...